Earlier this year, I went to Club Kooky at Manning Bar. One of the first things I noticed, aside from the fact my boobs were out at my place of learning, was the age range of the crowd. It was not at all surprising to see someone in their early 20s having a conversation with someone in their 50s.
This isn’t something we see all that often, outside of probably family gatherings. Ageism is still a barrier to social interaction, in a way that is far more accepted than sexism or racism ever would be. A friend, who is 22, recently declared that I, at 25, was his oldest close friend.
Imagine if he’d said he had no female friends, or no black friends. We can get away with ageism far easier than other forms of oppression, but why? And who is it harming?
The queer community seems to be far better at negating ageism than others. I put this down to two main reasons: the first is that we have a smaller pond – there are fewer of us, so we all need to stick together. The second reason is more political: as queers, it’s our position to naturally question dominant social orders. We question why sex should be straight and monogamous; a logical extension of that is to question why sex should only be between two people within an acceptable age range (who’s heard of the ‘half your age plus seven’ rule?).
It’s not easy. We live in a world that tells us young people dating older people are gold diggers, that older people dating young people are creepy. Not only that, we live in a world that tells us women are only fuckable up until a certain age – we have that biological clock ticking away, and once it goes off, bam, your sexuality’s gone.
Older lesbians are almost entirely absent from the lesbian scenes, probably in part because of this alleged unfuckability of older women (Amy Schumer wrote a sketch on this, probably the only genuinely good and not offensive thing she’s ever done), and in part due to outdated and oppressive stereotypes like lesbian bed death and U-Haul lesbians. Society has long told us that a woman’s place is in the home, and so it is with older lesbians – out of the club and into the home, with two cats and a sexless life.
Gay men have it slightly better – the gay community has long been viewed as more sexually promiscuous, and men have always been allowed to have sexual agency for much longer, because patriarchy. But even still, the community segregates – while all gay men might be out on a Saturday night, they’re in different venues.
These stereotypes and segregation harm not only the older people they oppress, but the rest of the community, which is then forced into smaller age-segregated social groups. That queer spaces generally seem much more open to both the interaction between young and old, and the sexual agency of older women in particular, means the experience of being in these spaces is enriched. Parties like Kooky, House Of Mince, L’Oasis, Loose Ends and Monsta Gras all have a really special vibe, not just because of their outrageous queerness, but also because of the increased diversity of the crowd.
Plus, a 50-year-old has, like, 25 more years of sexual experience than us, so they’d definitely teach us a thing or two.
—
THIS WEEK…
Speaking of good, non-ageist parties, L’Oasis is hosting its second instalment this Friday July 10 at The Sly Fox, featuring Kate Doherty, Annabelle Gaspar and the L’Oasis boys. The last one was a huge success, so this will be worth checking out.
You might have heard that Q Bar is closing down. Sad face. This Friday July 10 will be the last ever Girlthing at Q, featuring all of Girlthing’s faves: Cunningpants, Natnoiz, Catlyf, Astrix and Sveta. Get on down to reminisce about all those times you vomited in the toilets.
If you like to flex, get to Goodgod on Saturday June 11 for Amrita’s Flex. This will be an FKA Twigs tribute dance party, featuring Baby Face Thrilla, Laprats and Bad Ezzy.
The Love Club is hosting a sleepover this Saturday July 11 at The Bridge Hotel. This should also be a big queer love-in, featuring Stereogamous, Love Club DJs, Aron + Breezy and more. BYO pillow, wear your PJs (seriously).
Sunday July 12 sees the second round of Sydney Roller Derby at Big Top Sydney, Luna Park. If you missed dykes on bikes at Mardi Gras, this will be a chance to see some other dykes on wheels (and, you know, amazing sportswomen conquer the rink).
Photo: Ashley Mar
