Last week, the horrible news broke of the Bulmer-Rizzi tragedy. Good news was to come out of it, though.
Marco Bulmer-Rizzi, whose husband David died in South Australia on their honeymoon, has now become the catalyst for a change to the way marriage is recognised in that state.
Joining Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria and Tasmania, South Australia will now recognise same-gender marriages performed in countries where they are legal.
The change is, of course, welcome, but the fact that it needed a death to make it come about is saddening. That this tragedy will be used by marriage equality campaigners is inevitable, and rightfully so.
What frustrates me about all of this is the seemingly unnecessary attachment to the rulebook. I’m aware that legislation exists for a reason, and breaking the rules can lead to consequences for those who do it, but sometimes when rules are outdated, the best thing to do is ignore them.
We break the rules every day. If you have a paddle pool deeper than 30 centimetres without a fence, you’re breaking the rules (looking at you, every share house that had an Australia Day party). Istanbul on King Street has apparently been breaking the rules by serving after midnight for years. If you’ve ever left your car running while ducking into a mate’s house to grab something, you’ve broken the rules.
A lot of rules are stupid. When filling out David Bulmer-Rizzi’s death certificate, couldn’t the bureaucrat just have selected ‘married’? What harm would that have done?
I have a friend who recently had their paperwork updated to reflect their current name and gender. They’re excited by how much easier this will make a lot of things, including their name on the roll in class tutorials. But why couldn’t they have been referred to by their name in the first place? Why does a legal name matter, when a person is standing in front of you, telling you the name they want to be called? Why should anyone care whether someone else has an ‘M’, ‘F’ or an ‘X’ on their birth certificate, especially when that person in front of them has told them they are something other than what the piece of paper says?
The problem with so many rules is that they’re often selectively applied, and this leads to discrimination. But when following the rules to the letter leads to more discrimination than if you’d bended them, isn’t that worse?
I’d like it if we abolished marriage, and took the state out of our relationships, and maybe out of our pants, too. But that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. If the state is going to get involved in our personal lives, with its annoying rule books, then these need to be the same rules for everyone.
What happened to David and Marco Bulmer-Rizzi didn’t need to happen. Ultimately, at least it’s changed the legislation.
Ending marriage discrimination is a step in the right direction in fixing the rules. It’s just a step, though. There’s a heap of other bureaucratic nonsense and hoops to jump through, before our rules, and the society that follows them, are discrimination-free.
[Photo: Gouldy99 (flickr.com/photos/gouldy/)]
This Week:
On Wednesday January 27, treat yourself to another night out in Newtown with Sasslife and Birdcage. Both are in full weekly swing, with two-for-one cocktails at Secret Garden Bar for Sasslife from 7-8pm, and $10 cocktails at Slyfox’s Birdcage from 8-10pm. That’s three hours of discounted cocktails on Enmore Road.
This Friday January 29 sees the women from Sexual Violence Won’t Be Silenced hosting their gig, Shameless, at 107 Projects in Redfern. It will feature music from Dweeb City, Scabz, Morning TV and Lupa J. There will be cheap beer from Young Henrys and rum from Sailor Jerry’s, and all proceeds from the event are going to Hey Sis, a charity that works to stop rape and domestic violence against indigenous women.
On Saturday January 30, House Of Mince presents Efdemin in the Arq basement. Alongside him will be Ben Drayton, Phile, Methodix and Wonky. It’ll go all night, but don’t forget to get in before 1:30am.
If retro sounds are more your thing, Saturday January 30 also sees The Shift hosting Free Gay and Happy 3, with plenty of old-school and ’90s dancefloor anthems from DJ Drew Koning and special guest Jewelz.
On Sunday January 31 are the Fetish Markets at The Sanctuary in Annandale. There’ll be leather, rope, accessories, and all your kinky needs at this daytime market.
