I was a late bloomer, realising I was queer around the end of 2009, at the age of 20. I didn’t come out until a little while later, but I started putting the feelers out in early 2010, essentially trialling queerness.
I would head to queer central at the Sly Fox on Wednesdays; I went to the Mardi Gras parade (only to make out with the blokey guy I met on the bus on the way in); I worked the bar at the official parade afterparty, flirting with women for tips.
I went to Fair Day with two lesbian friends of mine. I distinctly remember our group being approached by two women, asking if we wanted to fill out a sexual health survey. I remember being excited by the fact the women had asked me, as though I was clearly sexually active (I wasn’t) and probably a super cool lesbian (wasn’t sure then, probably still not super cool now), and they could tell this just by looking at me.
I grabbed the survey from them to fill out, and immediately stumbled. One of the first questions was, “What is your sexuality?” Peering over at my two friends, who were casually racing through the boxes, ticking without a care in the world, and the women who’d given us the survey, standing nearby but very deliberately not watching over, I felt my face burn. Looking back down at the survey, I considered the boxes. I hated the word ‘lesbian’, after having been called it as an insult all through high school. I didn’t know what queer was. I thought about bisexual, but wondered if I could really call myself that too, having suffered through dates with guys because I thought I should, but never really enjoying them.
I ticked ‘gay’, covered that question with my hand, and moved on, trying to look as cool and casual as my friends. The next stumbling block came quickly. The survey asked, “When was the last time you had sex with a woman?” At this point, I hadn’t had sex with anyone, let alone a woman. I’d fooled around with guys before. Does that count as sex? What the hell is sex anyway, if I want to have sex with women? When do I stop being a virgin if a penis isn’t involved? These questions raced around my head, but the answer to the survey question was easy. I ticked the ‘never’ box.
The ‘never’ box was an easy ticket to fly through most of the rest of the survey. Mortified, though relieved for not having to answer them, I skipped over the questions asking about whether I’d had oral sex, anal sex, kinky sex, with how many partners, how often… and very shortly after that, the survey was done. I ended up finishing before my friends, handing it back in such a way so as to hide the fact that the only filled-in questions were marked ‘never’.
Fast-forward to 2016, and not only am I capable of filling out this survey without getting clammy hands, I’m now working with ACON to be one of the women handing the survey out. The Sydney Women and Sexual Health (SWASH) survey has been conducted every two years around Fair Day since 1996. It’s the longest running and only regular survey of lesbian, bisexual and queer (LBQ) women’s health in Australia, and probably the world.
The survey is instrumental in providing information for ACON’s projects for women, from discovering what sexual health advice we need, to providing a basis for conducting further research into why LBQ people smoke at higher rates than the general population, and so on. When it started, it was about identifying HIV risk, but now it’s more about painting a picture of our holistic health.
It might sound like I’m a publicity bot for ACON right now, but without this research and the resources produced as a result, I might still be asking myself some of those questions I had in 2010. LBQ women are usually so invisible from sexual health research and popular knowledge, to the point that doctors have told my queer friends, “Oh, you’re a lesbian? You don’t need a pap smear!” to friends asking me, “Why do you have condoms? You don’t sleep with men.” Ignorance and invisibility has never helped anyone, and it certainly didn’t help me when I finally realised I was approximately eight years overdue for my first pap smear.
If you see a woman in a Claude shirt at Fair Day this weekend, go over and grab a survey, and (anonymously) tell us how many times you’ve had sex in the last four weeks.* Don’t be shy. Start counting.
*Write it on the survey. Please don’t actually tell us. All information on the surveys is kept completely anonymous and confidential, and you will be given formal information about the survey before you fill it out.
[Photo courtesyflickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography/]
This Week:
The official Mardi Gras season launches this week, and so there is so much happening. Check the Mardi Gras website for events, as well as the Mardi Gras Film Festival. But most importantly, this Sunday February 21 is Fair Day (AKA my favourite day of the year) at Victoria Park.
It goes all day, and then there are afterparties at the Newtown Hotel (Snatch and Grab and Love Club), the Marlborough Hotel (every room), the Imperial Hotel (Heaps Gay) and the Factory Theatre (House of Mince is doing another Super OpenAir). You’re spoilt for choice, but don’t forget to wear sunscreen.
