Tuesday marked the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia (IDAHOT or IDAHOBIT, depending on whom you ask). This week is also my 50th column here at the BRAG.
I’ve written before about instances of homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. Quite a lot, actually. And it makes me think. It seems like a lot of people would argue that particularly homophobia isn’t a ‘thing’ anymore (and a lot of people would argue that biphobia was never a ‘thing’ while simultaneously saying that bisexuality doesn’t exist and is just a stepping stone to homosexuality – newsflash guys, that’s biphobia).
We look at incidents like what happened to Isaac Keatinge a few weeks ago in Newtown as total anomalies – and typically, they are. But homophobia isn’t just outward aggression. I’ve written about that before, too. Homophobia exists in the little things, like when my partner calls to make an appointment for two of us, and the phone operator always asks, “And your partner, what’s his name?”
Transphobia exists in the little things, too (and the big things: aggression towards transgender people is far more rampant than other LGB people). When you ask someone, “But what’s your real name?” or “What’s your old name?” you’re not letting them assert their own identity.
When people argue that because LGBT people aren’t being bashed in the street every weekend (that we know of), we’ve gotten over homo/bi/transphobia, they’re forgetting the myriad of other ways that LGBT people experience microaggressions.
As a columnist, it’s probably my job to educate people that these aggressions still exist. This column is a place for me to discuss LGBT issues with Sydneysiders, and so it is a great place to air my grievances about the little aggressions I face. But at what point does education stop being the job of the already burdened LGBT folk?
When you’re in a position to educate, you should. But when you’re at the pub, and your friendly local ‘trans oracle’ (as a friend of mine calls himself) sits down, when should you stop bombarding him with questions?
If you don’t ask the questions, you’ll likely be one of those bombastic idiots who declare, “Why do we have an international day against homophobia? No-one is homophobic anymore!” (Quite possibly as you simultaneously defend your right to say, “That’s so gay,” because the word has become so divorced from its homosexual connotations – nope.)
But when you continue to ask questions, all of a sudden your mate has become a walking trans encyclopedia who is always burdened with educating you and never gets the chance to just sit at the pub and enjoy his beer. Though, granted, the other week I asked my cisgender male friend if he sits on the toilet when he’s going to do both, or stands, then sits, so for a brief moment he was my ‘people with penises oracle’. The difference between these situations is that the ‘trans oracle’ faces these enquiries constantly, most often by those who continue to oppress him (and the questions are usually ignorant, offensive, or easily Googleable). While my question was certainly easily Googleable, it wasn’t really offensive, or perpetuating oppression of my cisgender male friend and his toilet habits.
As a columnist, it’s my job to educate you, but it’s not up to your gay mate at the pub. Leave them alone, and when you have a question, Google it. Or ask me. Tweet me @lucyj_watson if you like, and I’ll write a column about your specific issue.
Or if you want to keep asking your friends, remember how often they get this, and how laborious it often is, and consider chucking them a penny for their thoughts.
And finally, don’t be a homo/bi/transphobe.
[Mardi Gras photo by Ashley Mar]
This Week:
On Wednesday May 18, Birdcage is launching its DJ competition, The Lezident, at its regular weekly party at Slyfox. So every Wednesday for the next few weeks, there will be some fresh new talent hitting the decks for their chance to win a residency at Birdcage. Come cheer for the newbies!
This Thursday May 19, MAASive Lates is holding a fashion-themed event at the Powerhouse Museum. Entry is free and the evening is hosted by Betty Grumble. There’ll be music from Valerie Yum, and a bunch of workshops and exhibits.
If you haven’t been to Homosocial in a while, don’t forget it’s on every Friday at Secret Garden Bar, and this Friday May 20 is no different. Every week there’s something excellent to see, and something equally excellent to drink.
Then on Saturday May 21 is the May instalment of Heaps Gay at the Oxford Hotel, with music from Rhythm Of The Night DJs, Bodycon, Bad Deep, Laprats and Bunny Hill, and performances from 110%.
