ICYMI, yesterday was Anzac Day. Whilst it is a day of remembrance, for Australians it’s also a day to lose all your money playing Two-up.
Disclaimer: The author does not understand what Two-up is, and has never played or witnessed it being played. Two-up is not a thing in New Zealand and it baffles me.
Anyway, every year I hear about all my friends losing a bunch of money playing it and maybe one winning like $20. In the spirit of kindness, here is a list of some things you could’ve bought before you lost your money yesterday.
Dog Toothbrushes – $5
These are a real thing and are super cheap. I got a pair at Daiso for five dollars!
Your own Two-up set – $12
You can literally buy your own set. But you just have to wait another 364 days to play it again. Consider it an investment.
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One of those weird music t-shirts that are always advertised on my instagram – $50ish
I don’t know why you’d specifically want one. But you could’ve had one if you didn’t take that extra gamble in Two-up.
A boat – $100
This dinghy is on gumtree for $100. They also offer nicer dinghies for up to $300.
Something from IKEA’s new lifestyle collection SPÄNST – Varying prices
You know you want some pointless light sticks. They may be annoying and unable to stand on their own, but you still want them.
A ticket to Splendour in the Grass – $400
That’s right. You could’ve been going to Splendour. That could’ve been you in the mud wondering why people still think it’s cool to wear native american headdresses at festivals. Oh well, maybe next time.
Hydralyte – $9.99
They’re currently on special at Chemist Warehouse, and you probably need them after drinking and gambling all day yesterday.
The world is full of possibilities when you don’t waste all your money on stupid games, and gambling is a worsening problem in Australian society. If you feel that you need help with your gambling or have a loved one who does, visit here.
