Last year I reviewed all 100 songs in the Hottest 100 in a sentence or two, and it promptly became the most universally beloved article on the Internet. It’s nice when that happens.
With this in mind, I have decided to do the very same thing again this year. Due to space constraints, and energy-preservation, I have split this into two parts.
Enjoy! (Or don’t.)
:: CHECK OUT PART ONE: #100-#51 HERE
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#50: ‘On Your Way Down’ – The Jungle Giants
Disco music for people who are too shy to dance.
#49: ‘Passiona’ – The Smith Street Band
An ode to both the staying power of the Schweppes company, and to having panic attacks on German TV. Also, I call bullshit about the part where he wanders into the cornfield (I believe the ‘stoned as shit’ part though).
#48: ‘The Comedown’ – Ocean Alley
This is yacht rock at its gelled-back finest. A huge Little River Band chorus towards the end, and so much vocal reverb I’m pretty sure the track is still echoing out somewhere.
#47: ‘Want You Back’ – HAIM
I love how every HAIM song sounds like a different early Madonna track, and I love love love that you can scat-sing the chorus of any of their hits over any other one. Modular songwriting is underrated.
#46: ‘Better’ – Mallrat
A reimagining of the Screaming Jets classic, with a few innovative touches.
#45: ‘Every Day’s The Weekend’ – Alex Lahey
It sounds like a nice idea, but the economy would collapse, Garfield calendar/poster sales would drop dramatically, and hits by The Easybeats and The Cure would be rendered obsolete. Is that the future you want for your kids?
#44: ‘In Motion (feat. Japanese Wallpaper)’ – Allday
I’m a sucker for any lo-tempo Drake/40 sounding tune with those claustrophobia beats that sound like you’re hearing them through the floor of the apartment when your downstairs neighbours take pills on a Tuesday.
#43: ‘Murder To The Mind’ – Tash Sultana
When loop pedals become sentient.
#42: ‘Cola’ – CamelPhat & Elderbrook
‘Passiona’, ‘Cola’, plus a ‘Coca Cola’ name-drop by Allday within eight songs? I thought ABC couldn’t accept corporate sponsorship.
#41: ‘Blood’ – Gang Of Youths
A Middle East cover. Hillsong runs deep.
#40: ‘True Lovers’ – Holy Holy
This song is so deliciously Breakfast Club that I’m surprised Molly Ringwald doesn’t sing back-ups (I checked and she doesn’t). What an excellent tune.
#39: ‘Got On My Skateboard’ – Skegss
2017 will be seen as the year when people finally rose up en masse and declared that skateboarding is not a crime.
#38: ‘bellyache’ – Billie Eilish
She is both the youngest person on this year’s countdown, and the one with the funnest name to say really quickly.
#37: ‘Slide (feat. Frank Ocean & Migos)’ – Calvin Harris
All the Frank Ocean in the world can’t wash away the presence of Calvin Harris.
#36: ‘I Haven’t Been Taking Care Of Myself’ – Alex Lahey
She seems very in tune with her own emotional and physical flaws — or rather, perceived flaws — but still can’t fully admit her mum was 100% right about her lover being bad for her.
#35: ‘Passionfruit’ – Drake
Much like Coldplay, the bigger Drake gets, the weirder and more avant garde his music gets.
#34: ‘DNA.’ – Kendrick Lamar
A no-holds-barred track about the moral implications in extracting dinosaur DNA from ancient mosquitoes fossilised in amber, featuring the same weird lookatyalookatyalookatya sample from Kanye’s ‘Runaway’.
#33: ‘Slow Mover’ – Angie McMahon
Part Nico, part Pretenders, and part PETA campaign. Every line is great and original and honest, and this song should have been in the top five – maybe if she’d said ‘bitch’ or ‘pussy’ more?
#32: ‘NUMB (feat. GRAACE)’ – Hayden James
The all-caps title seems like a cynical attempt to trick people into thinking this is a Kendrick track. I like it!
#31: ‘Lay Down’ – Touch Sensitive
Sounds like laser fights in space (please email me to smugly inform me there is no sound in space).
#30: ‘Low Blows’ – Meg Mac
“You’re coming ’round too late/I’ve taken off my face.” David Icke was right about the lizard people – what other horrors is Meg Mac hiding?
#29: ‘Mended’ – Vera Blue
I love when contestants from The Voice and Idol successfully cross over to triple j. Gives me hope for that Millsy banger we all know he has in him.
#28: ‘Mystik’ – Tash Sultana
All those pedals and only one guitar setting. Also, this is what Newcastle sounded like in 2007.
#27: ‘Be About You’ – Winston Surfshirt
The name sounds like the Palsonic version of Earl Sweatshirt, but the music is pure MGMT/take-half-first-to-be-sure glittery goodness.
#26: ‘Feel It Still’ – Portugal. The Man
Listen to ‘1989’ by this band instead. It’s a life-changer.
#25: ‘Weekends’ – Amy Shark
“I hate every girl that’s ever known ya” is such powerful, true, amazingly honest lyric. It reminds me of The Modern Lovers’ “I still get jealous of your old boyfriends in the suburbs sometimes“, but I think Amy’s line is better.
#24: ‘rockstar (feat. 21 Savage)’ – Post Malone
It’s so easy to want to hate this dude until you watch him in interviews and see how infectiously happy, humble, and funny he is. Watch him disarm that dick Charlamagne to see what I mean.
#23: ‘Not Worth Hiding’ – Alex The Astronaut
Beautiful, important. Not an astronaut though.
#22: ‘Lemon To A Knife Fight’ – The Wombats
I think at this point even The Wombats are surprised by how massive they still are in Australia; at complete odds with the rest of the universe.
#21: ‘Birthdays’ – The Smith Street Band
Read an AMA with Will where someone asked why, in his songs, he always meets people on the corner of various places – which is a great observation. The robot in this clip better be up for a Best New Talent Logie.
#20: ‘Let You Down (feat. Icona Pop)’ – Peking Duk
Another Coca Cola ad.
#19: ‘The Man’ – The Killers
I love how The Killers blend Roy Orbison, Bruce Springsteen, and a three-day Vegas bender, and still make it sound cool.
#18: ‘Exactly How You Are’ – Ball Park Music
This band has two members with the surname Hanson. So close!
#17: ‘Marryuna (feat. Yirrmal)’ – Baker Boy
Best Aussie hip hop song ever. I’m calling it.
#16: ‘Feel The Way I Do’ – The Jungle Giants
The main riff sounds like a Nokia ringtone and that is in no way an insult.
#15: ‘Regular Touch’ – Vera Blue
She can write one hell of a chorus.
#14: ‘Homemade Dynamite’ – Lorde
Either it’s a metaphor, or Lorde is dabbling in some troubling chemistry experiments. Suppose time will tell.
#13: ‘Young Dumb & Broke’ – Khalid
Lots of drug-taking in this countdown. Time for another moral panic, methinks!
#12: ‘Fake Magic’ – Peking Duk & AlunaGeorge
Most successful Canberra export since Mal Meninga.
#11: ‘SWEET’ – BROCKHAMPTON
I kept waiting for Snoop to slide in with a laconic verse.
#10: ‘What Can I Do If The Fire Goes Out?’ – Gang Of Youths
Ah well, they got a song in the top ten. That’s pretty good.
#9: ‘Lay It On Me’ – Vance Joy
Bit of a slap in the face for Vance that Taylor Swift hasn’t covered this one yet.
#8: ‘Sally (feat. Mataya)’ – Thundamentals
The fact that everybody knows that Sally can’t dance begs the question: “Just how bad a dancer is she? Are we talking Elaine Benes bad?”
#7: ‘Go Bang’ – Pnau
If you really pay attention, you’ll notice the chorus actually goes: “Cobain Cobain Cobain Cobain.”
#6: ‘Green Light’ – Lorde
The aftermath when 24-year-old men date 16-year-old girls.
#5: ‘The Deepest Sighs, The Frankest Shadows’ – Gang Of Youths
Brilliant, uplifting song – but can a shadow be frank?
#4: ‘Ubu’ – Methyl Ethel
Darlin’ don’t you go and cut your hair, do you think it’s gonna make him change?
#3: ‘Chateau’ – Angus & Julia Stone
I reckon 2018 will be the year where Julia finally takes top billing.
#2: ‘Let Me Down Easy’ – Gang Of Youths
Contains the greatest lyrical run in this countdown: “So you can join the cowards all aboard the outrage train, you can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave and scratch the little itch ’til you’re moving like a motherfucker up in this bitch.” Also the second best: “You gimme a good reason to be heartsick again.”
#1: ‘HUMBLE.’ – Kendrick Lamar
Bitch bitch bitch humble pussy bitch humble bitch humble bitch bitch bitch bitch humble Obama humble humble bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch humble bitch bitch TED Talk© bitch bitch bitch humble bitch humble humble Photoshop© humble humble bitch bitch.
