In news that continues to prove that the world we live in is well and truly cooked, we regret to inform you that you’re now able to purchase a Fleshlight in the shape of Shrek’s ear cavity.
Created by Malek Lazri, who famously made a nightmare-inducing A Bug’s Life-themed Fleshlight, the incredibly unsettling bright green sex toy has been given the equally unsettling name ‘Shrek’s Slughole’.
The toy apparently retails for around $70, if you’re into that.
But if banging a swamp ogre’s ear cavity isn’t your thing, there’s a whole other range of wild character Fleshlights made by Lazri, who said he’s simply “giving people what they wanted.”
“I guess I just figured it was my duty to keep giving people what they wanted,” Lazri told Vice.
“The first one was such a big hit, I felt like if I didn’t, I’d be missing an opportunity to continue a long line of rare units.”
According to the publication’s interview with Lazri, he’s made “more than a dozen character Fleshlights,” including a ‘Mrs. Incrediball Stuck Stepmom’ with spandex panty action and the ‘Cinderelli Ugly Stepsister Glass Slippa Footjob Fleshlight’.
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The latter even features chunky toes spilling out of the business end.
While the creator of the bizarre toys says he struggles to pick a favourite from his line of wacky creations, he said that he’s got a soft spot for his Jessica Rabbit Fleshlight, which features the cartoon’s famous sparkly red dress.
“That’s my low-key crush,” he said. “None of them are really sexual to me—it’s more about like, a continuation of merchandising, which is already absurd, and this just happens to be the most absurd juxtaposition of a character and an object. But I don’t know if I did her justice.”
And if all this wasn’t enough to raise your eyebrows, then perhaps the fact that Lazri is now working on a Fosters-inspired Fleshlight – appropriately branded with a ‘Fisters’ logo – will manage to do the job.
For more on this topic, follow the Film & TV Observer.
