★★★
Gods Of Egypt is possibly the most ridiculous movie I’ve seen in a long time, but goddammit, it’s a fun one.
It’s The Mummy meets every buddy cop film from the ’90s meets Wild Wild West. For example, see the giant mechanical scarabs that never get explained because director Alex Proyas straight up doesn’t give a fuck.
Not that the plot matters at all, but the story centres around Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), whose coronation as the new king of Egypt is interrupted by his uncle Set (Gerard Butler), who proceeds to murder his own brother, cut out Horus’ eyes and enslave all mortals. Basically, he’s a massive dick. Speaking of which, he also decides to build a giant phallic obelisk in honour of his father, Ra (Geoffrey Rush). Daddy issues.
Eventually Horus emerges from self-imposed exile to seek vengeance on Set with the help of the mortal thief Bek (Brenton Thwaites), who is on a quest to help save his hot girlfriend from death. After all, what is a corny action movie without a sappy B-plot?
So what makes this film so gloriously stupid? Well, the gods are about ten feet taller than humans, which looks comical, the writing is beyond awkward and there is an over-abundance of mischief music. It’s complete trash – but therein lies its charm. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Geoffrey Rush shooting an oversized fire stick at a giant Sarlacc from his godly space station in the sky.
So if you’re a fan of cheesy action romps and enjoy the idea of Gerard Butler looking super fine as a godly bad boy who doesn’t give enough of a shit to keep his accent consistent, get on Gods Of Egypt. It’s a great movie to switch off and cry/laugh to.
Gods Of Egyptis in cinemas now.
