The Problem With Language
Recently I heard a woman say the phrase, “my girlfriend’s boyfriend”, and I must admit I entered a state of confusion for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure how to contribute to the conversation. I automatically assumed this person must be polyamorous, have multiple partners, or just be really open and evolved or something.
I was wrong. She was just using the word ‘girlfriend’ to describe a platonic friendship.
I feel like anybody under the age of 50 should be banned from using the word ‘girlfriend’ in the platonic sense. It’s an unnecessary distinction. Guys don’t call their mates their boyfriends, why do women do it?
I’ve always found it slightly infantilising to hear young women talking about their girlfriends, like female friendship is whimsical but silly, stunted emotionally and devoid of much substance. Why must we make this strange distinction? I don’t get it.
In any case, it can be confusing and can trip up the ol’ gaydar when a chick casually mentions her girlfriend in conversation, but so ambiguous is the term that we can’t immediately tell whether or not it’s just a friend or a romantic relationship.
I always know when an older woman refers to her girlfriend to assume it’s a platonic thing. It just makes more sense, considering that the term to describe a female friend for younger people has now just become… friend. It makes using the word ‘girlfriend’ in a platonic sense seem quaint and outdated. Which it is. So I can forgive its use by older generations, but I can’t hide my disdain for a 20-something using the word.
Now, I couldn’t figure out why, for the longest time, something so innocuous could bother me so much. I mean yeah, for the reasons I mentioned above, it could be confusing at times and lead to awkward social miscommunication – but I still couldn’t really get my head around why I couldn’t stop an automatic sneer of contempt from unpleasantly taking over my face in reaction to my straight 23-year-old co-worker saying she had dinner with her girlfriend last night. I felt like a judgemental twat, but I couldn’t help thinking less of her in that moment. My respect for her had diminished for reasons that seemed stupid, so I tried to figure out what it really was that bugged me about it.
After some thought, I believe it’s because it is a word that has the unique ability to be both utterly benign and inoffensive but also erase the queer experience. It’s nothing malicious either – it’s not like the word ‘girlfriend’ is the homophobic rug we’re being swept under. It’s old language, so it no longer fits with contemporary society’s reformed views of what love and sexuality can be.
Used in the platonic sense, the word ‘girlfriend’ inadvertently makes the assumption that no female person would ever use it in a romantic sense, as if romantic/sexual girlfriends don’t exist; they’re just friends!
It’s an example of outdated language that doesn’t take into account the many social changes that have occurred throughout the years, and which now clumsily try to include people outside of the heterosexual binary.
But if your mother still wants to use ‘girlfriend’ to describe someone in her yogalates class, then nobody’s going to stand in her way.
This Week:
On Thursday November 10,head over to The Shift Club for Bingay (gay bingo). The event is a fundraiser for ACON. Expect classic disco tunes, weird rules and penalties and a wide range of prizes. Tickets are available now.
On Friday November 11, Girlthing is celebrating its 100th party at the Imperial Hotel. There’ll be DJs, visual art and performances over two levels, with Hookie (Starfuckers), NatNoiz, Sveta, Bad Deep DJs, Matka, Cunningpants, Catlyfe, Betty Grumble and special guests Canned Fruit. Grab a ticket while you can.
On Sunday November 13, Newtown Festival [pictured above] kicks off a day of creative, vibrant and diverse community celebration at Camperdown Memorial Rest Park. The festival actively supports the homeless in the Inner West through the Newtown Neighbourhood Centre. So donate at the gate and please give generously.
[Newtown Festival photo by Adam Scarf]
