I’m not sure about you, but domain.com.au is going HAM on my Facebook feed with sponsored posts, desperately trying to get my attention. Every day, a new post from Domain appears at the top of my feed, vying for my clicks.
The other day, a story appeared about share houses that share more than just living space: they share ideas, communities, beliefs. No shit, I thought. Anyone with half a brain knows that the most functioning share houses share more than just space. When you choose a new housemate for your place, you pick someone who you have something in common with. Seems obvious.
It might come as no surprise, then, that when I moved into a new share house a few weeks ago and needed to find some new housemates, I built a house of lesbians. Ideas, community and beliefs, all wrapped up in one gang of dykes.
In my previous share houses, I’ve always lived with a mix of genders and sexualities. There was the house of lads who would periodically leave me (literally) five hours’ worth of dishes to do; there was the house of uni mates who were equally into rockabilly and English folk music; there was the family share house with my brother, his partner and her brother; and there was the studio apartment I shared with my best friend, where the sock on the (front) door became a real thing.
But this homo house was new to me. Three bedrooms, four lesbians. And it became immediately apparent that this was a share house unlike any I was previously used to. And so, here are my seven telltale signs you’re living in a lesbian share house.
1.The art on the walls is very… sapphic
We have a boob wall at my house. Literally, a wall in the living room is dedicated to the boob art we collectively brought with us. There were enough framed images of tits between the four of us that we now have a whole wall dedicated to it. Big plans for the wall include anonymous Polaroids of every pair of boobs that enters our house. Another wall in our living room is simply titled “the lady wall” and basically features the rest of our pictures where the women have clothes on. And the other wall features our house’s collection of tank girl paraphernalia. Our living room is women: topless, clothed, and in messy military wear.
2.Vibrators, everywhere
It doesn’t help that my partner works in an adult store and I work for a magazine that reviews sex toys – but still. Vibrators arriving in the mail, vibrators in the shower, dildos sterilising on the stove; anywhere you want, we’ve got it.
3.Men’s underwear on the washing line, yet not a man in sight
Anyone walking past our washing line would be mistaken for thinking it was a house full of dudes, with the occasional lady guest. But no, those Spiderman jocks, and those alpha male Y-fronts… yeah, they’re ours.
4.More nail clippers than people
More so than vibrators, there is a serious proliferation of nail clippers in this house. No prizes for guessing why.
5.A fridge full of vegetables (and tofu)
It’s a well trodden stereotype that lesbians are vegetarians. So it should come as no surprise that a lesbian house fridge is chock-full of tofu, spinach, broccoli, soy milk… and not a sausage in sight.
6.It’s a house of smokers
Did you know 48 per cent of lesbian, bisexual and queer women aged 16-24 smoke? So if you’re in a house of young lesbians, you literally have a 50/50 chance that the house smokes.
7.Four identical wardrobes
Is your plaid shirt in the wash? Your denim jacket? Your sneakers wet from the rain? Never fear, you have three identical wardrobes in the other bedrooms! Lost your snapback? Your beanie? We’ve got you covered. Just bring it back, or else I’m stealing your ciders.
This Week:
On Wednesday June 15, head to the Newtown Hotel for the next instalment of its new homo night, HomoLoco. Last week was great, with outside and inside DJs, beer specials, and a courtyard brimming with lesbians, and this week will be no different.
This Friday June 17, head down to Homosocial at Secret Garden for a night of dancing and performances curated by yours truly. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, so you’ll just have to come along to find out – but expect dancey tunes and outrageous performers.
Then, on Sunday June 19, make your way to The Townie for June’s edition of Chicks With Picks. With special guests Spines, and a bunch of great performers, it’s the best way to wind down from the weekend.
