Seagulls – truly the gronks of the animal kingdom. What was evolution thinking when it allowed such a useless, garbage animal to thrive. We’ve all had a delicious, golden, perfectly-coated-in-chicken-salt chippie ripped away from us at the thieving hands of a malicious seagull. It’s an exchange one never forgets. In fact, Ja Rule succinctly encapsulated the experience in this here tweet:
I too was hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hood winked, lead astray!!!
— Ja Rule (@jarule) January 20, 2019
Since, Darwinism has failed to take it’s course, The Opera House has stepped in to achieve what nature couldn’t. The team behind Opera Bar and Opera Kitchen are trialling a new, radical, seagull shooing method. They’ve enlisted the assistance of this great nations bravest pups to engage in a rebellion against those gruesome gulls.
A stand-off for the ages:
Dog-walking service Mad Dogs and Englishmen will be supplying dogs and handlers in an attempt to keep the pesky birds away. The trial is set to take place throughout January. There are currently six cavalry soldiers on the jobs. By all reports, the seagulls have learnt that if they come near diners they’ll be forced to fuck off. It has been reported that Opera Bar has experienced an 80% drop in the rate of having to replace a customers meal after it was swindled by a seagull.
The dogs will be patrolling from midday-4pm every day until the trial ends on January 31. Here’s to hoping they find permanent employment.
All photos taken by Jacquie Manning
