The Criterion Channel is the holy grail streaming service for those that love to feel like a smug little bitch when logging their Letterboxd films.
The condescending “this is the best blah blah blah you’ve probably never heard of” editorial angle makes me feel queasy. I don’t want you to think that I consider myself to be some master of the dark web that’s unearthed some Golden Idol streaming service. The Criterion Channel is the dog’s bollocks in the US — I just don’t think it’s got the hold that it should in Australia.
The Criterion Channel was launched back in 2019 following the dissolution of FilmStruck. It’s a trove of classic films and art-house favourites, drawn from the Criterion Collection and Janus Films’ library — with a healthy sprinkling of major studio and indie productions.
I don’t want to bang the same old drum about how we have limitless Netflix options but nothing to watch. You know the feeling, I know the feeling, we all know the fucking feeling. Netflix serves its purpose, as Henry Rollins says — the brain needs carb and protein listening (or viewing, whatever) — and Netflix is a big fat gorgeous mayonnaise-y pasta salad.
The Criterion Channel is a different world. It’s a streaming service for those who truly yearn to get lost in movies. It’s enriching and romantic. Like going to see a film you’ve seen a thousand times over at a Golden Age because you crave the DRAMA! of drinking a maple old fashioned and frocking up and sitting in the dark.
The magic is in the curatorial eye.
Admittedly, there are a lot of esoteric movies in The Criterion Channel that fly over my head and are too dense for my bird brain. Criterion holds your hand through the daunting process of navigating arty-farty cinema with their curation. They also have a way of prescribing films for a certain… vibe.
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The channel groups films by uber-specific themes (‘Australian New Wave,’ ‘Pride and Protest,’ ‘Arthouse Animation,’), filmmaker (‘The Essential Jacques Demy,’ ‘Three by John Waters,’ ‘Early Woman Filmakers’), actors (‘Paul Muni, an Actor Among Stars,’ ‘Gena Rowlands, an Actor’s Actor’), hell, even by music directors (‘The Maestro, Scores by Ennio Morricone.) A
It also pairs films together for a double-feature, like ‘Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets’ a sumptuous double bill offering “twin tales of moral degradation set in the seedy underbelly of German society” with films The Blue Angel and Lola. Or they’ll marry a feature-length film with a short. There’s just no better streaming service for getting a handle on everything cinema has to offer.
The behind-the-scenes content
In addition to the overwhelming collection of films and shorts, there’s also some truly superb behind-the-scenes content. Where legendary filmmakers and actors wax lyrical about their favourite films, or offer a deeper glimpse into their own work.
The quagmire.
Okay, so technically, The Criterion Channel is not available in Australia. Yeah, you have to use a VPN blocker to access it. I don’t know what the legalities of me gently suggesting you invest in a Hola VPN blocker but consider this a gentle nudge. It’s more ethical than sitting through a 480p stream of a flick on 123movies or Gorillavid. My heart is pure, my intentions good. It’s also $10.99 USD a month which is a bit steep with our dogshit exchange rate.
Check out The Criterion Channel for yourself here.
