Just when I think that that Australian “YEWWWW” culture could not get any viler, it reaches a new echelon of repulsive. I had faith that after months of being grilled on personal hygiene amid a global pandemic Australian’s would rethink their propensity for drinking out of vehicles that are not meant for drinking out of. I was wrong.
Coronavirus did not mark an end to the shoey, rather it fostered the growth of the brain worms of troglodytes around the country. Much like an Animorphs novel, this time in isolation has led to two Aussie TikTok users Adrian Alaberg and Captain Australia to germinate the shoey into a beast so menacing I don’t think we’ll ever recover. Enter, The Utey.
The concept of The Utey is simple. You sink a cold one via a ute. The logistics behind it, however, require a solid grasp of theoretical physics.
This is a two man job. To execute a shoey one must park their ute of choice on an angle, preferable a driveway. This will ensure that the gravity works to the best of its ability. The pourer will then cascade the brew of choice —in the case of this TikTok, it was VB— down the ute tray. The drinker positions their mouth at the bottom corner of the tray, relinquishes all self-respect, and guzzles down the tarnished brew.
I could describe it at length or you could just watch the act of moral bankruptcy for yourself, below.
@adrianalaberg Take the #aussiebeerchallenge fkn dare ya 🇦🇺 and go follow @captain.australia #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #aussie #vb #straya #australia
I beg of you, please do not try this at home. In case you missed the study instigated by the ABC, researchers at Western Sydney University’s School of Medicine Gastroenterology Laboratory revealed that the age-old tradition of drinking alcohol out of a shoe can result in a number of health problems, including staphylococcus aureus, which can lead to all sorts of awful things, including septicaemia (that’s blood poisoning), pneumonia, food poisoning, vomiting, nausea and diarrhoea.
We’re just guessing here, but we assume the same applies to drinking out of the back of a musty Colorado.
