The coronavirus pandemic has ushered a new era of working from home for millions of employees. It has also, unsurprisingly, ushered in an era of self-pleasure on the clock.
Yellow Octopus has done what needed to be done, by surveying thousands of people “working from home”, inquiring about their wanking habits. The numbers have been crunched and yep, we’re all holed up in our dwellings, boredom mazzing our little brains out.
The data collected has revealed that 35 percent of men and 17 percent of women have admitted that they’d been masturbating during work hours. I’m honestly a little shocked that the number isn’t higher, I would’ve thought at least 50% of us would be getting through this crisis with one hand punching out “in these unprecedented times” emails and the other in our pants.
The report revealed that younger employees were those most prone to spank the monkey. 31.3 percent of those in the 18 to 24 age bracket admitted to jerking off on the job. It makes sense because there truly is no way to sneak a quar-root into your parent’s home and even if you’re living out of home us zoomers are so romantically and sexually starved that masturbation is our only option.
35 to 44 year olds made up for a quarter of the mazzers, the age bracket 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 accounted for about 21 percent; while 8.3 percent were aged 65 to 74. Shoutout to those still hitting it in their late 60s that’s pure fire.
When it comes to doing the deed with another flesh sack on the clock? 24 percent of men and 19 percent of women have engaged in a sexual rendezvous or too.
So there you have it. If you have a proclivity to play with yourself: a world-first study is looking for 100 Australians to jack off on their period in the name of science. You can cop a free luxury vibrator and menstrual cup for your efforts.
