The best thing about being a full decade past the glory months of 2007 is that we get to look back and laugh at all the music we collectively thought was awesome back then.
We also get to feel more fondly about songs that riled us up so much back in 2007, finding ourselves now uttering phrases like, “that Akon part is actually pretty catchy” without the white heat of past-Akon-anger (PAA) searing through your veins.
You’ll notice I’ve changed pronouns. This is about you now. Don’t feel punk’d though. After all, the perpetual march of time punks us all in the long run.
With this in mind, I have revisited and reviewed every song that hit number one in Australia during 2007. And although it’s been ten long years, let’s not discuss the untimely cancellation of The O.C. yet – it’s way too fresh.
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Beyoncé – ‘Irreplaceable’ (Jan 1 – Jan 20)
The first red flag Beyoncé should have clocked about that dude not being worthwhile is that everything he owns fits in a box that can be put off to the left.
Evermore – ‘Light Surrounding You’ (Jan 21 – Jan 27)
This band split up after the older brother got deep into religion. He was sending us some pretty huge signals with this song, which sounds like a Hillsong hymn.
Hinder – ‘Lips Of An Angel’ (Jan 28 – March 17)
This slice of diet-Nickelback sounds like a terrible RSL covers band decided to give songwriting a bash; it became one of the most downloaded MP3s in history because everyone subconsciously knew one day they’d need to erase this shit.
Silverchair – ‘Straight Lines’ (March 18 – April 14)
After years of chipping away at Daniel Johns’ psyche with remixes and off-the-cuff suggestions to add beats or keys or whatever, Paul Mac finally infiltrated the Silverchair ranks for good in 2007. It was his band now.
Avril Lavigne – ‘Girlfriend’ (April 15 – April 21, then again April 29 – June 2)
A ’70s band called The Rubinoos claimed Avril stole their very similar-sounding ‘I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend’, and instead of thanking her for raising Google search results for ‘Rubinoos’ they sued her! People are strange.
Missy Higgins – ‘Steer’ (April 22 – April 28)
The wiki article for this states: “The song is available to listen to at the website of Sydney newspaper The Daily Telegraph”, which isn’t quite the legacy she was shooting for.
Rihanna – ‘Umbrella’ (June 3 – July 14)
This song is built off a common GarageBand drum loop (Vintage Funk Kit 03, if you’re the type to need proof) and that would be the funniest thing about it if Jay-Z hadn’t referred to himself as ‘Rain Man’ in the opening bars.
Fergie – ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ (July 15 – Sept 15)
Female pop singers used to be contractually obliged to release a big ballad about emotional emancipation as their third or fourth single, but the times have changed. Now it has to be the first single.
Sean Kingston – ‘Beautiful Girls’ (Sept 16 – Sept 22, and again from Sept 30 – Oct 27)
Every 24 months a reggae-tinged song hits number one in Australia, and then come the wash of imitators, and Jah bless Sean Kingston for basically re-writing ‘Stand By Me’ and selling a million records off the back of it!
Timbaland ft. Keri Hilson – ‘The Way I Are’ (Oct 28 – Nov 10)
“Know me, know my ways, take me how I am” is the most bullshit excuse to stop trying about basic human things like kindness, ambition and appearance. Timbaland should know better.
The Veronicas – ‘Hook Me Up’ (Nov 11 – Nov 17)
You can pinpoint the moment The Veronicas announced they’d matured as artists from when they stopped each holding one triumphant fist in the air in all their promo photos.
Kylie Minogue – ‘2 Hearts’ (Nov 18 – Nov 24)
Kylie and chart success stick together like honey to… Oh wait, this is a different song.
Timbaland ft. OneRepublic – ‘Apologize’ (Nov 25 – Dec 31)
If this song was a person it’d be the guy wearing horn-rimmed glasses, loudly asking the bar guy about the tannins in the house wine for the benefit of the people around he is trying to impress, and you just know he will quote Camus soon, even though everyone can tell he is the human equivalent of a OneRepublic song.
