My heart breaks for all my Melbourne friends set to undergo another six weeks of lockdown.
I think by this point we’ve all universally accepted that Zoom drinks with your friends actually sucks. So I’m probably correct in assuming that you’re all madly scrambling to find entertain yourself, by yourself, during the chaotic weeks to come. There’s only so much bread one can bake before submitting to a keto lifestyle. And unless The Sopranos want to do us all a favour and reboot for another delicious season, I’m afraid TV is no good.
An unlikely hero has reared their head in this time of crisis. Sex toy aficionado’s Womanizer have announced that they will be giving away a bunch of free sex toys to help you through this tumultuous period.
I don’t know about you but the lockdown period ushered in an era of bizarre sex dreams. Like really bizarre. This might be something I should keep between me and my therapist but I’ve had multiple horny dreams about James Gandolfini. I also had a sex dream that was interrupted by Elizabeth Moss in her The Handmaids Tale get up that was so harrowing I almost submitted myself to celibacy.
Perhaps if I had a Womanizer on hand I would’ve had the freedom to mazz one out and get back to sleep instead of letting my smooth brain keep me awake, anxiously analyse what my psyche had dreamt up.
The wanking overlords are giving away 100 of the ‘Womanizer Starlet‘, which are the minute version of the air-pressure/vacuum toys, and normally go for about $120. It’s a machine designed to give your clit a lil kiss.
We understand the temptation of breaking quar for a root but we can’t stress the importance of abiding by social distancing and lockdown laws. Take one for the team and pleasure yourself.
If you wanna cop one, head over to the Safe Pleasure website.
