News has surfaced that Malcolm Turnbull’s conversation with US President Donald Trump did not go as smoothly as it wasoriginally reported.

The two leaders had lined up an entire hour for the Aussie PM to congratulate Trump on his inauguration and for Trump to talk about his own achievements, but somewhere along the way, the conversation went sour.

Now, the BRAG can exclusively reveal that Mal, distraught at his falling out with his new flame, has put together an apology mixtape to say sorry. Will Malcolm Turnbull’sPlease Forgive Me, Donaldmixtape make Trumpbull great again? Only time will tell.

–

MALCOLM TURNBULL’S PLEASE FORGIVE ME, DONALD MIXTAPE

1. RÜFÜS –You Were Right

Straight off the bat, Mal wants President Trump to know that it was all our fault and that we never should have expected him to uphold an ongoing arrangement Australia had with the States. Trump was heard saying that the plan to resettle 1,250 refugees from Australian detention centres was “the worst deal ever”. Why the PM didn’t immediately agree with Trump is still unclear. This song very clearly states that Trump was right all along, while also showing off some homegrown talent.

–

2. Justin Bieber – Sorry

“Is it too late now to say sorry / ‘Cause I’m missing more than just your body“.

Sounds about right. When Trump listens to the mixtape, it’s likely that he’ll have had another difficult day in the office with more than half his country hating him. This dancy pop jam is exactly what he’ll need to take his mind off things.

–

3. The Beatles – Yesterday

Obviously the timing’s a bit off with this one as the call did happen on the weekend, but hopefully Paul McCartney’s lamenting vocals will be enough to convey Turnbull’s anguish.

If everything goes our way, Trump will still be taking that medicine he had during the presidential debates and won’t even realise the timing issue. It’s a good way for Mal to admit that he “said something wrong” after Trump claimed it was the worst call he’d had all day, having called President Vladimir Putin earlier in the morning.

–

4. Elton John – Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

We already know that Trump has a soft spot for Elton after he continued to play ‘Tiny Dancer’ and ‘Rocket Man’ at rallies despite Elton telling him to stop. Speaking to The Guardian, John said, “Why not ask Ted fucking Nugent? Or one of those fucking country stars?”

Putting that aside though, Trump is bound to be happy that Turnbull remembered his favourite singer and they can begin the healing process.

–

5. The Human League – Don’t You Want Me

The catchy ’80s jam is sure to make Donald reminisce about all the good times the couple (they need a name: Trumpbull?) had together in the first few minutes of the phone call that he ended after less than half an hour. Hopefully he doesn’t notice that the band is called ‘The Human League’ instead of ‘The White American League’.

–

6. Adele – Hello

Adele’s 2015 hit single will, with any luck,make Trump tear up, especially with all the phone call related lyrics. With lines like “Hello from the outside“, we’d also like to suggest this song for the Trump make-up mixtapes from Americans who aren’t allowed back into their country and from Mexico after they pay for President Trump’s wall.

–

7. Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes –(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life

By this stage of the mixtape, Trumpbull will be well and truly back together, so here comes a classic to solidify their relationship. This duet has love and good times oozing out of it and will be the perfect song for the pair to perform together in two months’ time at Donald’s impeachment party.

Get unlimited access to the coverage that shapes our culture.
to Rolling Stone magazine
to Rolling Stone magazine