Okay, so we know it’s basically their entire job to warn us about the dangerous things we keep shoving into our body (try to find a double meaning there!) but surely Christmas is the one time of year when we can all enjoy a bit of guilt-free gorging, followed by some guilt-inducing arguing, and some boring, boring Sydney to Hobart as we box up our gifts and decorations.
Nope. The Australian Medical Association has issued a statement designed only to ruin Christmas. And on Gravy Day of all days!
“Some Australians will consume more than 25,000 kilojoules – or 6000 calories – on the day, which is three times the amount of energy needed by a moderately active adult,” AMA Vice President, Dr Tony Bartone wrote in the blood of Rudolph.
Don’t worry though, you can avoid this by eating kale and shit.
“First, consider how much food you actually need to purchase and prepare. When entertaining, there can be a tendency to over-cater, and much of this food is thrown away,” he told those unaware of portion control.
“A healthy serve of fresh salad, especially at the start of lunch or dinner, is a simple suggestion which allows people to fill up on fresh vegetables.”
They also suggest you don’t drink much, and go for a bike ride after lunch, instead of usual Seinfeld-and-food-coma
“These steps can help keep your weight in check, and make your New Year resolutions easier to keep,” Dr Bartone ends, now with two of Santa’s elves in a headlock under his armpit as he cackles maniacally.