We’ve all been there. You’re trying to save money. You’re trying to eat healthier, but then you get a call from The Colonel. Ronald McDonald gives you a buzz. HJ slides into yo DMs. When these titans call you, you answer that call.
Option One: When your partner asks what you had for lunch, be honest with them and deal with the guilt trip that follows OR Option Two: You eat the food and hide the evidence from your significant other…
Personally, we’re taking option two EVERYTOOOOIME.
Here’s our 5 tips to avoid getting caught eating fast food by your partner:
Tip One: If you’ve popped through the drive-thru on the way home always, and we mean ALWAYS dispose of the rubbish in the outside bin.
And don’t make the rookie mistake of putting it in the bin and walking away, they’ll see it. You need to bury that shit under some other rubbish, so it never EVER sees the light of day.
Tip Two: If you opted for eating it in the car you need to get rid of the smell otherwise the next time they get in the car they’ll know you’ve been in bed with some Dirty Bird (KFC) and your secret is out.
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Be sure to put all the windows down to let the smell out while you’re driving AND bonus points if you keep a can of Glen 20 in your centre console, that’ll cover up the greasy smell quick smart.
Tip Three: If you have a joint bank account, they’ll notice that you’ve spent $18 at McDonald’s and question you about it.
All you need to do is tell them that your mate at work has had a rough day and you took them out for lunch to take their mind off of things. Not only will you not get in trouble, but you’ll get bonus points for seaming like a real good work friend.
Tip Four: Hypothetically let’s say you’ve been sprung, and they walk in on you about to tuck into a big Ol’ Oreo McFlurry. Don’t panic. It’s fine. Because… Ahhh… Ummm… You bought it for them!
Yeah, that’s right you bought it for them because you’re a good partner who they could do with nice treat after the big day they’ve had.
Tip Five: If tip one (refer up) hasn’t worked and your operation has been compromised, change the game, no more outside bins.
Keep a shovel in your car. After you eat the good stuff, take the evidence into a rural area. Dig a massive hole and bury it six deep.
Ben Harvey & Liam Stapleton are the hosts of Adelaide’s Nova 919’s Ben & Liam breakfast radio show, When You Wake Up. Discussing music and daily topics, they can be found bringing a heap of entertainment to the morning show from 6AM to 9AM on weekday mornings.