An inner-west portaloo company has come under fire after proposing setting up paid portaloos at Camperdown Park in Newtown.

Earlier this week, Bums On Seat Sydney unveiled plans to set up portaloos in Campo, charging patrons $3 for a single pass or $5 for unlimited daily access.

We’ve all been there. It’s the lucid light of day and you’re onto your third bottle of P&V natural wine (we’re chic now!) Without warning, you’re throttled by an unquenchable urge to piss. Had you opted for the Ganni smock dress instead of the Pleats Please you could’ve popped a squat amongst the cemetery — but you didn’t.

No matter. You rally up the troops and splinter off, once more unto The Carlisle! (there’s no way you’re facing The Courty, lest you run into a ghoul of bad Tinder dates past.) You feel guilt over using the pub for the toilet, so you buy an undrinkable bottle of white as a gesture of goodwill. You’ve got this down to an art form.

In the age of COVID, the time-honored tradition of leaning on pub generosity is a thing of the past. With no public toilets anywhere in the vicinity of Camperdown park, picnickers have found themselves in a quagmire.

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It’s unsurprising that somebody has found a way to commodity nature’s call, but the vibes on the scheme are a little… bleak. Profiting off the pandemic? as if having to use the same portaloo as swampy, Campo fire twirlers wasn’t sinister enough…

People have taken to Twitter to air their grievances, “This is peak capitalism. Local Councils should be putting loos in the park,” wrote one user.

“Public toilets are essential infrastructure,” added another.

There are people profiteering from putting picnic tables and toilets ($3 per use) in a public park in Newtown. (Yes, they are donating to the Neighbour Centre too, I know.) This is peak capitalism. Local Councils should be putting loos in parks that don’t have them. #COVID19nsw pic.twitter.com/MsG9YIWnsk

In a tweet, the Inner West council confirmed that they had not received an application from Bums on Seat Sydney about the proposed Campo scheme. Whilst also confirming that the council are “investigating the use of portaloos in our parks and is increasing bin collections due to the high number of residents picnicking now.”

The Inner West Council has committed to building public toilets by June 30th, 2022.