Under ordinary circumstances it would feel rather perverse to begin talking about the snow just as we’re all collectively beginning to dust off our Spring threads and prepare for the warmth.
But these are not ordinary circumstances: Snowtunes, one of Australia’s most unique – and snowiest – music festivals, is going down this Saturday September 3, making it acceptable to talk about the cold while it’s (finally) not looking like the north face of the Eiger outside. To that end, slap on a pair of snow goggles and have a quick squizz at our definitive guide to doing Snowtunes right.
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Skii! (Safely)
Ah skiing. The sport of kings! Or at least, kings who enjoy strapping bits of wood to their feet and pushing themselves down mountainsides. From the outside, skiing might seem like the world’s most pointless/needlessly self-destructive sport (seriously, the barrage of skiing accident videos on YouTube is enough to make your toes curl) but I have it on good authority that it’s actually lots of fun/not always guaranteed to break your bones. Oh, and remember: french fry, french fry, pizza!
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Snowboard! (Safley-er)
If there’s anything that looks abjectly more dangerous than skiing, it’s snowboarding. So yeah, do that too, but like, covered in helmets. I mean covered. I’m thinking there should be a minimum of four or five strapped to your head at any one time.
“Remember to wear a helmet, kids. Then you’ll be like me, Mr. Shutterstock Photo Model!”
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Stay Warm!
Nothing beats gazing across a snowy field, watching the low winter sun rising across the tops of frost-covered trees. That said, there are lots of things that beat hypothermia, so as you’re bopping along to Snowtunes’ ridiculously diverse lineup, rug up, yeah? There are lots of fashionable wintry threads that won’t necessarily make you look like a total dork, and they’ll save you from suddenly finding yourself recreating the end of The Shining as you stumble around the festival grounds, looking for your ever-so-comfortably tipsy friends.
And, speaking of tipsy…
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Drink (Responsibly)
Drinking is great. I mean, it’s really great. It’s even better when you’re with friends, and even better than that when you’re up at the snow. There’s just something perfect about a red wine or a spirit downed in the surrounds of a location like Jindabyne – something near magical about necking a bevvy that’ll warm you up from the inside out. Just don’t be that dingleberry stumbling and falling about the place like a bear drunk on apples; leave the stumbling to apple-drunk bears.
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Mosh (To Hot Dub Time Machine)
I mean, you can mosh to whoever you like, I guess, but save some of the core strength in your neck for some crazy Hot Dub Time Machine headbanging. The band aren’t just one of the most perfectly-monikered groups around, they also have some slayer tunage, and they belt out the kind of bangers that word jockeys like me fall over ourselves to brand with weasel words like ‘anthemic’, and ‘crowd-pleasing’ and ‘actually very good’.
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See As Much As Possible
Snowtunes festival lasts for a mere 11 hours, so make sure not a single minute of that time is spent being idle. See band after band. Make snow angels; make friends; make merry. After all, as the age-old Australian saying goes: bloody smash it, ay?
Snowtunes goes down on Saturday September 3. Check their website for more information.
