In news that should come as absolutely no surprise because we’re all so anesthetised to celebrity individualism and their craven thirst for controversy, Elon Musk has challenged Johnny Depp to a cage fight.
As you’re probably aware, the Tesla founder recently took part in a The New York Times interview with Maureen Dowd. If you, like me, have the brain capacity of a straggling bit of filet-o-fish lettuce, and long-form is totally impenetrable, here is the TLDR.
During the interview, Musk addressed the allegations that emerged from Depp’s defamation suit against former wife Amber Heard.
“I definitely was not having an affair with Amber while she was married to Johnny, this is totally false,” Elon Musk said of claims he and Heard had an affair before Heard and Depp’s 2016 split.
Musk also denied the Depp’s claims that he and Heard had a threesome with model and actress, Cara Delevingne. Which is admirable because that’s a lie I would have definitely kept alive.
“We did not have the threesome, you know,” Musk told Dowd. “So I think people think these things are generally more salacious than they are. For the two of them, I would just recommend that they bury the hatchet and move on.”
Elsewhere in the interview, Musk addressed Johnny Depp’s completely unhinged threats to “slice” off Musk’s dick.
Depp allegedly texted his friend Christian Carino, “I’ll show him [Musk] things he’s never seen before like the other side of his dick when I slice it off.”
Musk, apparently unphased by the treat, simply challenged Depp to a fight. “If Johnny wants a cage fight, just let me know.”
Honestly, if this world needs anything right now it’s a reality TV show celebrity deathmatch situation. Give me The Hunger Games but with millionaires. I want to see every cuck that took place in that ‘Imagine’ coronavirus solidarity video to fight to the death. I want to see Ellen DeGeneres punch on with Gal Gadot.
