These past few months have been glorious for Manchester United. After a few dismal years, the boys are well and truly back in town. Ole Gunnar Solskjær has taken the reigns and the squad have found their groove again.
To celebrate UEFA Champions League season and Manchester United’s upward trajectory we’ve decided to offer our very qualified services as football commentators. We’re taking a look at the legacy of one of Manchester United’s most iconic players. So without further ado here is our ranking of ten of David Beckham’s hairstyles from smexy to smexiest.
10) The Mohawk no. 2 (2001)
Mohawk number 2 is undoubtedly David Beckham’s most problematic do to date. Beck’s debuted this look in 2001 after he was forced to shave off his first attempt. This aggro hairstyle doesn’t embody the David Beckham we all know and love. In fact, I’m pretty sure I once saw this bloke try and punch on with a security guard outside Scruffy Murphy’s.
9. The Pompadour (2012)
Another hairstyle that doesn’t do the essence of Beckham justice. This is not the face of a man who scored a screamer from the halfway line at Wimbledon. This is the face of a man who would try and sell you a spacious apartment on Terrigal Esplanade.
8) Middle Part Lob (2017)
Becks darl you look stunning but please leave this to JVN.
7) The Disconnected Undercut (2015-ish)
This haircut gives me both big NRL energy and Surry Hills barista circa 2014. It’s fine but like, we know Becks can do better.
6) Multiple Banded Ponytail (2003)
A brave look. Unfortunately, it’s also a look that reminds me too vividly of girls I went to primary school with named Emily that bullied me and rode around in frangipane sticker decorated cars. I probably shouldn’t take my unprocessed trauma out on David Beckham’s hair.
5) Au Naturale (1997)
I love this look, I really do. It’s giving me Madchester fever. You could tell me that this is Ian Brown and I’d probably believe you. For the love of god someone please give this man a tambourine.
4) Faux Hawk (2009)
This look is so McFly chic. I feel like this man should have starred in an early 2000s tween romantic tragedy alongside Hilary Duff.
3) Man Bun (2018)
This look is destined to elicit a controversial response no matter where it ranks. People love to have strong opinions about man buns. I am generally very on the fence about them but I will admit that it is one of the best man buns I’ve ever seen. The reason I believe it deserves to be ranked so high is that I believe David Beckham is the only blonde man in the history of the universe to rep a man bun without erring on the side of irritating Kings Cross backpacker.
2) Band It Like Beckham (2002)
An absolutely delicious look. There is very little we can fault. Alice should have stayed in Wonderland because her look has well and truly been ganked by early 2000s Beckham. For twelve sweet years young Becks held the very official and not at all clunky title of “Best Person To Rock and Alice Band In History” but unfortunately, he was usurped by Zayn Malik in November 2014.
1) Shaved Head (2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2007)
Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it. This look is just bellissimo! It is the crème de la crème of Beckham’s hair journey. Never has one haircut achieved such a staunch yet sensitive aura. I weep. It’s a good thing that Beckham recognises that this is truly the hair that does him justice.
