From lovers of the Equine nature to masculinity tropes, and damsel in distress stereotypes, erotic fiction usually leaves a lot to be desired.
There are of course exceptions to this – Fifty Shades Of Grey may have been dubbed ‘American Psycho from the sex worker’s perspective’ by us but was a blockbuster hit after all. But for the most part, the blurb descriptions for erotic novels offer one hell of a good belly laugh.
To celebrate erotic fiction blurbs in all their whistle whetting glory, we picked our faves from Amazon.com.au for your viewing pleasure. And because some erotic fiction blurbs can be a little mysterious, we’ve done our best to translate them for you. Enjoy!
Swing
Blurb: Spinning off from the universe of Sunstone comes a slice of life romantic story about a couple trying to regain the sexual energy from the beginning of their relationship by swinging with other couples. An emotional journey of two people fighting to stay in love.
Meaning: Relationship troubles are only sexy if they result in consensual non-monogamy – duh!
RRP: $21.85 on Amazon
The Ride of Her Life: A Lesbian Nymph and Futa Centauress Erotica
Blurb: Obscured from mortal eyes, the fae delight in a paradise world. A glen and sandy shore serve as the perfect vacation for one nymph and her centauress lover. Invigorated by the natural energy of a tropical and lush escape, Nadi and the futa centauress Melura delight in one another’s bodies, and kick off an adventure of pleasure and excitement with a passionate, lusty day at the beach.
Meaning: Fuck the trappings of conventional sex. In fact, fuck anything conventional. This book crosses lines you didn’t even know existed.
RRP: $4.21 on Amazon
Best Friend’s Sister: A Small-Town Forbidden Romance
Blurb: If you love a captivating forbidden, small-town romance full of passion, promise, and a touch of the feels, then scroll up and 1-Click today! This story has just enough scorching heat, heartbreak, and hope. With no cliffhangers and of course a happily ever after!
Meaning: If you would choose hawt chemistry over your best friends any day, Best Friend’s Sister is right up your… erm… alley.
RRP: $1.57 for Kindle on Amazon
Furry Face
Blurb: Penny’s used to douchebags in three-piece suits with trust funds. But the moment I see her at the bar, sipping her dirty martini, I know she’s thirsty for something else. A real man like me.
Meaning: If masculinity tropes and stereotypes are your thing, pour yourself a martini love, because this is the page-turner for you.
RRP: $1.42 on Amazon
Fighting Destiny
Blurb: Side Effects may include, but are not limited to: Drooling, lip biting, wet panties, crying, and screaming at the author. If any of these things happen, do not seek medical attention—get the next book in the series and enjoy the ride!
Meaning: The protagonist has been described as “absolutely sex-on-a-stick gorgeous” so any plot holes should just be ignored.
RRP: $34.92 on Amazon
Curvy Attraction: Aiden & Cecelia
Blurb: This collection of steamy friends-to-lovers stand-alones contains hot & dirty alphas just wanting to give their sweet curvy girls the HEAs they deserve.
Meaning: We just learned ‘Curvy girl romance’ is a literature genre, and HEA is not an acronym for Higher Education Assessment. It’s Happily Ever After. Wholesome AF. Who said erotic fiction is just a cesspit of taboos, eh?
RRP: $15.39 on Amazon
Call Me By Your Name
Blurb: Andre Aciman’s Call Me by Your Name is the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blossoms between an adolescent boy and a summer guest at his parents’ cliffside mansion on the Italian Riviera. Each is unprepared for the consequences of their attraction, when, during the restless summer weeks, unrelenting currents of obsession, fascination, and desire intensify their passion and test the charged ground between them.
Meaning: If you imagine the faces of Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet through the entire thing you may want to ditch your significant other and marry this book.
RRP: $41.57 on Amazon
