I don’t know where to begin. A fire at a genetics laboratory in rural Victorian town Yarram has resulted in 100 cryogenic cylinders of cattle semen to explode. 100 vats of invaluable cow jizz have been blasted to smithereens ladies and gentleman.
The fire started at around 3 am and took 10 fire crews over two hours to contain. The building was completely engulfed in flames by the time firefighters arrived.
Those on the were forced to dodge the cylinders or risk being bludgeoned to death with a container full cow spunk.
“The liquid inside the cylinders was rapidly expanding and essentially the lids of the cryogenic cylinders were just popping off the top and projectiles were being thrown from the building,” Country Fire Authority Gippsland commander, Chris Loeschenkohl told ABC.
“So firefighters went into a defensive mode initially to protect themselves, because there were also LPG cylinders at the neighbouring property, and they did a magnificent job.”
A fire has gutted the Yarram Herd Services building overnight, destroying around 100 cryogenic cylinders used to store cattle semen. Neighbours were woken by large explosions at around 3am. Firefighters had to dodge “projectiles”. More on @WINNews_Gip #gippsnews pic.twitter.com/1mnS6hoxmJ
— Bonnie Barkmeyer (@BonnieBarkmeyer) September 17, 2019
It’s absolute insanity, and such a tragic loss for the local farming community. We have to admit we didn’t realise that cow splooge was such a hot commodity but straws of that stuff go from anywhere between $5 and $95 a pop. I’ve chosen the wrong career path.
Committee vice-chairman of Yarram Herd Services, Aaron Thomas put it so succinctly, “It’s going to be a huge blow.”
This isn’t the first animal-adjacent sperm drama this country has faced this year. Just last month two men were arrested in Western Australia after being convicted of illegally importing Danish pig semen concealed in shampoo bottles.
