Instead of spending your time in self-isolation falling victim to the cruel touch of meritocracy ie: bettering yourself, picking up and putting down The Unbearable Lightness of Being, finally writing that screenplay. You should, instead, consider jacking off.

The past few months have seen traumatic event after traumatic event unfold with no time to process any of it. Everyone is fucking burnt out. The literal last thing we need to be doing is putting pressure on ourselves to “make the most” out of our time in isolation. If you genuinely are the kind of person that thrives on productivity, kudos to you, I wish you the best, I’m sure you’ll birth some Bergman-like masterpiece during your self-quarantine. Some of us, however, need a fucking break.

Thankfully, the sex industry has our back in this time of crisis. Last week, Pornhub announced that they were giving free premium content to the whole of Italy. Now, Bellesa — a sex toy company run by women, are giving away thousands of free vibrators to people self-isolating.

Partnering with another sex toy brand, Womanizer, the company says it wants everyone “home, safe and happy. Social distancing, but make it orgasm-filled.”

While this offer is limited to US customers only, we don’t want this to discourage you from releasing your inhibitions. If you’ve ever been on the fence about delving into the world of self-pleasure, now is the perfect time to get to know yourself.

Don’t just delete the dating app from your phone, delete your entire account. You deserve more than risking catching COVID-19 to get rawed by some dude with a decrepit floor mattress. You deserve to sink a couple of vinos, watch that insane Gwyneth Paltrow Goop Lab Netflix show, and vibe check yourself in the comfort of your 100% flax linen bed sheets.

Watch: Carly Rae Jepsen — ‘Party For One’

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