Let’s face it, with the way 2020 is currently going, Halloween will probably be cancelled.

I have no sources, no inside knowledge, no other reason to believe it other than the fact that all that is fun and good in the world has turned to shit. Live music? Cancelled. House parties? Cancelled. Trips to Bali using your tax return? Cancelled. Making out with strangers with reckless abandon? Bloody cancelled.

There is one yeasty silver lining amid all the upheaval however, and that’s this giant burrito blanket:

burrito blanket amazon
Giant Burrito Blanket Double Sided

According to Amazon, it’s “THE TASTIEST BLANKET AROUND”.

“Never again will your bed or couch look unappetising,” reads the product description. “This warm and cozy novelty burrito blanket is perfect for all your snuggling needs. Realistically designed as a toasted tortilla shell, you can now feel like a wrapped burrito anytime, anywhere. Works as a throw blanket, bed blanket, travel blanket, plush blanket, or even as a home decoration. Being comfortable has never been this fun!”

I have other plans for this tasty circular treat though. On October 31st, I’m going to have a nice hot bath to prepare my fleshy meat to be wrapped in this giant blanket to attend Halloween – FROM THE COUCH – as a burrito.

The Halloween extravaganza on said couch will include:

  • Me rolling myself up into the tightest burrito you’ve ever set your eyes on.
  • A screening of The Office, but just the Halloween special where Gabe screened his gross home movie.
  • And the entire junk food aisle from Coles, which I’ll scatter across the blanket so that no matter where my hands land, they will find a tooth-rotting treat.

Who’s with me!?

burrito blanket
Become a burrito here

NOTE: The shit quality and music in the below video did not change my mind. It actually cemented it.