“He who ruled scent ruled the hearts of men.” 

Gwyneth Paltrow has created a scented candle inspired by her vagina. The candle, in true, minimalist Goop fashion, is called “This Smells Like My Vagina”. It costs $75. Unfortunately you won’t be able to cop it because it sold out immediately.

So you’re probably wondering what our dear Gwyneth reckons her eau de pussy smells like. According to a description on Goop it evokes a “funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent.” Which, if we’re talking ingredients, translates to a sensual blend of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed.”

I think that’s a truly beautiful testament to Paltrow’s unfaltering self-esteem. If I tried to brew an olfactory reflection of my vagina it wouldn’t be half this chic. At it’s very best it’d be a carbon copy of that salted caramel Glasshouse candle abused by Peter Alexander.

The candle is a collaboration with Heretic, a perfume company that has revolutionised the fragrance realm with their chemical-free, androgynous products.

“We sit on the floor and geek out on fragrance,” Paltrow shared of the collaboration.

I am a self-confessed Goop tragic. I think that everything that the website, and Gwyneth does is a comedy goldmine. You could lock all the SNL alumni in a room and they’d never come up with something as bone-shatteringly funny as the Goop newsletter tagline; Inbox sage for the digital age.

I hope that Gwyneth never stops. I hope that she keeps promoting bonkers health teas and rose quartz dildos until her final days.

The candle is a nice little pre-game for the absurdity that is sure to ensue with Gwyneth’s new Netflix docu-series, The Goop Lab. The show will delve deep into the actresses surreal world of yoni eggs and unorthodox wellness practices. Set to premiere on Netflix on January 24th. You can check out a trailer below.

Watch: The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow

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