Everyone knows the members of One Direction: there’s the blonde one with the guitar, the edgy one, the one that’s dating Cheryl Cole, the shit one, and Harry Styles. Of course, the shit one is also identifiable as the one with crappy facial hair – he looks like someone splooged half a tube of superglue onto his face and then rolled him around a barbershop floor. This is an objective fact.
So, in a rather surprising turn of events, after being introduced as the member of One Direction with “ratty” facial hair by Australian-born radio host Ash London on a British radio show, the shit one had the gall to chuck a little tanty on Twitter. With all the grace of a cop siccing their hounds onto an unsuspecting member of the general public, the shit one publicly called out London, suggesting that she keep her Twitter on private to avoid the ire of his rabid fans.
Probs best to stay on private for a bit longer love ! 🖕
— Louis Tomlinson (@Louis_Tomlinson) December 12, 2017
Worth noting that the shit one did this after London had apologised for her “sledge” (i.e. the most innocent bit of banter imaginable.) Also worth noting that in the ensuing scuffle, many of the shit one’s fans credited London with saying some of the stuff her male co-hosts had said about the shit one – i.e. that he is the least popular member of One Direction (he is), that he is quite skinny (he is), and that he’s no Harry Styles (he isn’t.)
Presumably the shit one knowingly sent his fans after London as a way of punishing her for daring to call a turd a turd; may it go as terrible forewarning to any of you who would dare to point out that the doofus responsible for easily the worst single any member of One Direction has yet released is a bit of a nonce.
For more One Direction content, why don’t you read our longform profile about the best member of the band, Harry Styles, here.