Earlier in the week, Broadly published an article titled, ‘The Gay Men Who Hate Women’. It was based on the premise that misogyny exists in the queer world and is perpetrated by gay men.
As something of a disclaimer, the author wrote, “The topic of misogyny among gay men is a difficult one to broach. In my experience, men either simply refuse to believe the phenomenon exists, or the conversation is quickly derailed (“yeah, but what about homophobic women?”).”
As my friends and I discussed this article, somebody chimed in with a surprisingly vicious, sneering dismissal of the idea that misogyny could thrive among the already marginalised. He said this: “These stories, of which there are more and more every day, just seem to be putting women and their rights on a pedestal at the detriment to everyone else.”
Women’s rights becoming equal do not prevent other groups from achieving equality. The outrageous claim that women’s rights are on a pedestal, acting as yet another oppressor, is one that is oft touted by men’s rights activists throughout the catacombs of the internet.
If I point out that the sky is blue, my statement doesn’t magically suck the colour out of the rest of the world. So pointing out that division exists within minority communities doesn’t mean that no other problems exist. Saying that misogyny is perpetrated by gay men isn’t about being divisive: it is about examining how minorities react to pressure and acknowledging our issues.
The pressure comes from societal expectations. Minorities are oppressed because they fail to meet these expectations in some capacity. Think about our systemic oppression: all of us queers are trapped within this system. As you can imagine, this generates an immense pressure. Like panicked lobsters climbing over each other in an attempt to escape boiling water, people within minority communities can sometimes attack or hold each other down too, which is what ultimately creates the divide.
A lot of this can be traced back to shame, internalised homophobia and other such nasties. It manifests as an aggressively reductive view of the world. It’s almost like a Lord Of The Flies situation. Instead of being upset with each other, we should be united in attempting to understand the constraints within which we have been forced to operate for so long.
Misogyny exists in the queer community and is very often perpetrated by gay men. This is something we need to accept as a reality. We don’t need to be defending our little corner of Planet Oppressed. It’s as ridiculous as the lobsters murdering each other in the pot as opposed to forming a chain to help each other climb out.
We can all keep screaming at each other forever, but ultimately we’re still stuck in this shitty place where we are all treated as second class citizens. It’s all the more disappointing when we treat each other like garbage, but we must recognise that minorities can sometimes treat each other like shit because we are unconsciously reacting to a colossal amount of external pressure.
If you’re reading this and you’re a gay man, it’s crucial you don’t allow this discourse to make you feel persecuted, but rather, informed. Men who react negatively to feminism often don’t understand that feminism is about helping men too. The entire point of the feminist movement in the 21st century is to remove these barriers so that we may all freely move about the world without being dicks to each other. Feminism means things like male victims of rape being taken seriously.
Saying something like, “But I’m not a misogynist!” in reaction to somebody saying “Sexism exists in the queer world” is akin to saying, “Not all men!” Well of course not: nobody is suggesting that every individual member of an entire group holds toxic beliefs.
If I talk about feminism, it does not mean, in any universe, that I am lumping all men together. If I talk about racism and racists, it does not mean that I am lumping all white people together. To do so would indicate that I am a reactionary idiot with my head up my arse, a chip on my shoulder and an ego so huge I’m slowly suffocating beneath it.
We have to be willing to face these issues in our communities, despite the discomfort of admitting we’ve got a problem. It’s the first step.
This Week:
On Wednesday October 12, the Red Rattler in Marrickville is proud to be hosting queer poet Alok Vaid-Menon for a night of poetry, art and entertaining performances featuring ELSZ, DJ Fwyar, Candy Royalle, MM Dogs and Koco Carey.Tickets are $10, available online and at the door.
On Saturday October 15, The Shift Club will be throwing the Candyland Launch Party, featuring musician Zoë Badwi. There are prizes for best dressed provided by Gear Sportswear. DJs James Tobin,Matt Greenand Domenic De Sousa will provide the tunes while The Sugar Pops, April Fools and Sia Tequila entertain you with their performances throughout the night. The illustrious Felicity Frockaccino will be hosting. Also, go-go boys. Don’t miss out on this party: it’s gonna be a good one.
Also on Saturday October 15, head over to the Factory Floor in Marrickville forBad, an event that promotes diversity within our local music scenes and celebrates artists who sear boundaries and burn conventions. DJs include AIYA, Corin, Dispossessed, DJ Logic, Kimchi Princi x Slim Set and more. Directing the art installations is multidisciplinary artist Danielle Karlikoff in collaboration with artist and curator Anna May Kirk. Tickets are available now.
