Someone needs to write a book on Tinder etiquette. Especially lesbian Tinder etiquette, and particularly Inner Western Sydney lesbian Tinder etiquette. I have a lot of questions that demand answers.
Who says hi first? And how long is it before it’s too late to say hi? If I’ve finally ballsed up to talk to the babe I matched with in March, is that weird? I went on a date with a Tinderella a while back, and one of the first things she said to me was, “You matched with my housemate too, but you didn’t say hi to her.” When I met said housemate, she also exclaimed, “You never said hi to me on Tinder!” This just after another girl came up to me in the bar: “We matched on Tinder and you didn’t say hi.” Why is it always my fault?
What’s the etiquette on friends? I usually swipe right on all my friends, because I’m a firm believer in self-affirmation through the match. But someone once told me that you’re only supposed to swipe right on people you’d actually bone. In which case I might have accidentally led on a bunch of my friends. And also, what about when you become friends with your Tinder matches? At what point does the spark go out and get replaced by platonic spooning and high fives? The friendship is literally predicated on a mutual acknowledgement of each other’s good looks, so does that ever properly turn into a platonic friendship? Or are you always dancing on the edge of “Will they? Won’t they?” (Wink face emoji to all my Tinder mates out there).
What about catfishing? People say that online dating, particularly Tinder, is just like picking up in a bar – judging people based on their appearance, only in an online context rather than an in-the-flesh one. And people not intending on picking up go to bars, so why can’t they be on Tinder too? Because it’s confusing as hell, that’s why. Over the weekend I went on a day adventure with a friend (who I met on Tinder) and sitting beside me in the car were a couple – both of whom I’d matched with on Tinder. I’m quite glad I matched with both of them, so as not to display a bias toward either side of the relationship. But I still don’t know why they were on it in the first place.
Why are there so many dudes on my Tinder? I’ve heard it’s because they set their gender as female, despite definitely being cis-masc dudes. Do they think they’re going to get lucky with a lesbian? Because I don’t think it works like that.
And what about mixing business with pleasure? I matched with one of my co-workers on Tinder, about two weeks before I got the job (don’t worry, she wasn’t responsible for hiring me; it was pure Inner-West-Sydney-lesbian coincidence). I never brought it up, until I saw her at a party a few weeks ago while I was drunk. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey colleague. Did you know we matched on Tinder before I got the job?
Her: I’m glad you brought it up, because I wasn’t going to.
Me: Well, now it’s in the open, we find each other attractive.
Her: Wanna make out?
Me: OK.
And lastly, friends’ potential love interests? My friend met a girl in a store, and was quite, but not completely sure she was gay. And then the girl came up on my Tinder, with the girls-holding-hands emoji in her bio. So, 100 per cent confirmed. I swiped right, and she never matched me back. I told her this, and she was like, “Well, I am literally dating your friend…”
I’m beginning to realise that maybe I’m just using Tinder all wrong.
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This Week…
My favourite Sydney party turns one! On Wednesday July 1, celebrate Homosocial’s birthday at the Imperial Hotel. Apparently there will be drag shows involving water guns and Priscilla tributes, given the location. Featuring party DJs from Palms, Girlthing, and the babin’ L’Oasis boys.
On Saturday July 4, the Sydney Uni Queer Action Collective is hosting a trivia fundraising night. It’s ’90s-themed, so pack your Tamagotchis. From 6pm at Stucco Housing Cooperative (on Wilson Street, Newtown).
Sunday July 5, and every Sunday (provided the venue isn’t shut down) is Strobe Light Unicorns! at the Imperial Hotel. Hosted by resident DJs Stereogamous, there’s always a bunch of special guests and special times.
And finally, every day this week, and every other week, are a whole host of awkward encounters waiting for you on Tinder.
