Queers have a whole gamut of reasons to feel hard done by.
I mean, our rights are up for public discussion, we’re discriminated against when it comes to work, health and education, we’re still represented poorly (or under-represented) in the media and we’re still hated by some people simply for existing as we are.
This week, I don’t want to talk about those big things; the giant hallmarks of queer suffering are very real and very difficult to get around sometimes. Instead, I want to discuss the comparatively more minor inconveniences that are part and parcel of queer life.
1.Tokenism
In other words, being defined as ‘the gay friend’. Being reduced to your sexuality in any way, so that someone else may feel evolved and enlightened, is incredibly irritating. I’ve been introduced as, “Oh, and this is my gay friend.” It’s disrespectful. I don’t like to feel like an exotic pet you can parade around for some progressive cred.
2.Stereotyping
Ah, stereotypes – the annoying imaginary boundaries that trap us all, one way or another, in an identity we didn’t choose. The media plays a huge role in shaping public perceptions of something. Lesbians have often been portrayed as masculine, frumpy and unattractive. Cue the well-meaning but hideously misguided compliment, “But you’re too pretty to be a lesbian, wow!” along with other such gems as, “But you don’t look like a lesbian!” or “You work in retail? Cool, I thought you might have been a mechanic or something.” Like we all need to be wearing grease-stained flannel and a buzz cut to be ‘real’ homosexuals.
3.Coming out (again)
Some people have never been able to pass as straight. Some people are clocked as weird or different right off the bat. Others are not, so while coming out can be relieving or traumatising or a non-event, it’s rarely the only event. As with most things in life, your first time is the most memorable. I’ve had to come out to many people throughout my life, not because I have this undying need to scream that I’m gay (only occasionally), but because it’s sometimes a necessity. I’ve had to come out to doctors for the sake of my sexual health, I’ve had to come out to people who made the assumption that I was straight – and in that sort of situation, I’ve found that it feels like when somebody gets your name wrong and you decide whether or not it’s worth correcting them. It happens a lot. Such is the straight world we live in.
4.Being an unwilling ambassador
My views do not necessarily represent those of my queer brethren. Perhaps I should say this every time I speak, so I don’t confuse people who think that all gay people know each other and have monthly meetings. It’s easy to become the designated mouthpiece for your people when you’re part of a minority group. Well-meaning individuals will ask you about gay stuff and you’ll tell them what you know. The trouble comes from them assuming that you’re speaking for everybody. I can forgive my 80-year-old grandmother for pointing at the TV during the Mardi Gras parade and asking me, “She’s gay, do you know her?” I have a harder time dealing with people who ask me things like, “Why do you all dress that way?” or “Do you all really just do drugs and sleep around constantly?” or “Is it true that lesbians sleep standing up?”
I suppose these things will exist so long as ignorance abounds. I think once the mainstream media does a better job at portraying us as fully realised humans, the bizarro interrogations will slow down and ignorance will decrease. Straight people won’t be kept awake at night, wondering if the lesbians next door are asleep standing up. They’ll know we sleep upside down, like bats.
For the diary…
On Saturday December 24, get on down tothe Imperial Hotel for the Girlthing x Boything X-Mas Bash. Ditch the family you were born into and spend some time with your real family, including Dunny Minogue, Dolly, Cunningpants, Fungusmonk and Akashic_. Tickets are available now.
On Saturday January 14, the Rad Queer Festival is on at the Romantica Social Centre in Petersham. It will be a day of talks, workshops, art and film screenings, followed by an evening of spoken word, music and delicious food. The festival organisers are open to anybody contributing and are asking interested parties to get in touch via the Facebook event if they’d like to be involved.
Also on Saturday January 14, Marrickville Bowling Club is hosting Nag Nag Nag III. Sydney’s premier underground music offering returns, bringing together artists from all walks of weird. Check out The UV Race, Holy Balm [below], Low Life, Orion, Constant Mongrel, The Shifters, Rapid Dye, Hurtsville, Primo!, Enderie, Heartbreak, Oral B and Display Homes. Presale tickets are available now.
