You could be forgiven for thinking that Hollywood is starting to run out of original ideas…
“No no no,” the hypothetical suited film industry exec responds, “2019 is the age of revisionism, duh. We aren’t out of ideas!” He shouts, “We are just revising everyone’s favourite moments in film, potentially, for some reason,” wiping his brow with a wad of $100 bills.
But, when you look at The Emoji Movie, the Angry Birds movie, the Lego movies, and the endless torrents of remakes – Jumanji, The Lion King, Mulan, Aladdin, Pet Semetary, *takes breath* A Star Is Born, The Mummy, The Jungle Book – it feels like Hollywood is scraping the bottom of the pop culture barrel to come up with ideas for movies.
Rather than sitting back and complaining, here at The Brag we got productive. We came up with 10 completely original and air-tight film pitches based on Hollywood’s current practice of looking to pop culture for inspiration.
You’re welcome, Hollywood.
Trump Goes To Russia
Many people these days will be too young to remember the misadventures of Ernest. So, no one will bat an eyelid if we reprise the concept only ‘reimagining’ the role of Ernest with President Donald Trump.
Set post-Presidency, the film will follow the whacky and wonderful journey of Trump as he tries to reconnect with his old pen pal, Vladdy Putin. Trump would be played by Alec Baldwin of course, with Tilda Swinton as Putin. Hilarity ensues.
When Yanny Met Laurel
Are they even names? Who cares, they are now.
The story will follow the impossible and unlikely love between Yanny and Laurel set to the backdrop of the New York City hustle and bustle during Christmas. *kissy fingers* Original af.
Spark Fear: Clutter’s Revenge
Marie Kondo introduced the idea to us all that removing clutter from your life sparks joy. But what does clutter have to say about this?
Spark Fear sees all the clutter that was abandoned by the world colluding, and working together to plot their revenge against those who threw them out. The tag line will be “Does THIS bring you joy?” Send it.
Reddit: The Movie
Tbh, even we don’t know what Reddit: The Movie would be about. But when has that ever stopped a film from getting green-lit. Kids love Reddit, right? It’s a foolproof concept.
Perhaps we can have the same five scenes re-shared for an entire 90 minutes. I’m sure we could get Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson attached, he seems game for anything.
Daddy Long Neck biopic
This one writes itself… Scarlett Johansson as Daddy Long Neck, his manager, his whole family, all his video co-stars; and all 2.1 million of his Instagram followers. Done.
We’ll put our invoice in the mail, Hollywood. *Dabs*
Who remembers the Kiefer Sutherland film Phone Booth? No one? K cool. Don’t Google it. It’s nothing.
Pocket Dialled would be Phone Booth set in 2019. I mean… a completely original concept whereby someone answers a pocket dial call from a close friend only to hear that close friend is secretly plotting against them.
Sure, that probably won’t stretch out to 90 minutes but with some dramatic drone footage of a cityscape, we could get a solid 60 minutes out of this idea, surely. Kiefer Sutherland can be played by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Kids love tide pods, so kids will love a movie about them, obviously. We’ll take a little bit from Willy Wonka, a splash of The Happening and the whole ‘found footage’ style of Cloverfield. That gives us a completely original premise for the tide pod film.
Threatin: The Griftiest Grifter Who Ever Grifted
Jokes aside, a film about the new age grifter would be very cool and where else to look for inspiration than the curious case of Threatin, the grifter who grifted an entire European tour much to the delight of the whole internet?
The film will follow him hatching his ultimate grift, and also the moment he realises that, like, cameras are a thing and people will take photos of your empty gig.
Fyre Festival but with Zombies
What if – ok, bear with me on this one – we recreated the situation at Fyre Festival. We give attendants hand held cameras, then unleash a horde of zombies upon them?
The result will be Blair Witch Project for influencers. The highest levels of originality. I hear Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is looking for such a project.
The Viral Internet Challenges Movie
Most of the recent viral internet challenges are gravity based – bottle flipping, cap spinning, planking, car surfing, you name it.
What if there was no gravity? What if you were…in space?
The Viral Internet Challenges movie would follow an astronaut riddled with FOMO yet simply unable to complete any of the viral internet challenges.
Two words: Matt Damon. *flips bottle*