Fairfax CEO Greg Hywood has been made redundant. “I’m here announcing my redundancy for a change,” he told Fairfax employees.

Fairfax has ceased to exist, as what was deemed a merger was announced this morning.

This is a similar merger to that footage of a pelican swallowing a seagull whole. In a way the two birds merged as they are now one entity, but in a more accurate way one just swallowed the other.

As CEO Greg Hywood states in his emotionless staff letter: “The merged company will be called Nine”. As you may have noted this name is strikingly similar to the name of the company Fairfax is merging with: Nine.

As investigative journalist for SMH Kate McClymont wrote: “So after 150-plus years this is all we get: “I would like to thank everyone for their contribution to Fairfax.”

Music critic Bernard Zuel was more glib, replying: “Don’t give up Kate, there’s still time to get a wave goodbye from the darkened window of a blue Maserati Ghibli.”

Read the astoundingly tone deaf letter, below, in which he basically announces mass firings with the glib, “be assured that there will be plenty of Fairfax Media DNA in the merged company and the Board.”

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