In February, puffy-lipped makeup mogul and Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, popped out an adorable cherub.
The bub’s name? Stormi. Yet, despite having a face so cute that it looked like it had been through a Snapchat filter (ok, it probably had been through a Snapchat filter), lil’ baby Stormi was only the second most famous meteorologically named celebrity of the moment.
Pornographic actress Stormy Daniels has been getting the White House all hot and bothered by becoming involved in a legal dispute with US President Donald Trump and his attorney Michael Cohen. The fiery allegations of hush money and threats surrounding her supposed affair with Trump have provided us with more adult entertainment than Stormy’s blockbuster, ‘Porking with Pride 2′. Let’s take a look at why – for the first time ever – I love ‘the other woman’.
The raunchy films
Look. I have a very vanilla confession to make. I don’t watch adult films. But I can only imagine the level of expertise and talent that goes into the production of Stormy’s titles such as ‘Playgirl: Heavenly Heat’ or ‘Ron Jeremy On The Loose: Atlantic City’.
Making it in the adult film industry is a tough gig and being named ‘Favourite Breasts’ at the 2009 F.A.M.E. awards is no light achievement. In fact, it would probably do a number on your neck.
All jokes aside, while I choose not to participate in the pornographic industry, I respect a woman’s right to do so. Stormy Daniels is an enterprising businesswoman, actress, screenwriter, stripper and director. And while she has been responsible for many erections – none of them have been a wall.
The alleged spanking
Have you ever wanted to spank one of the world’s most controversial leaders? Personally, I feel like I could help the nuclear arms situation in North Korea by giving Kim Jong-Un a good tap on the behind. So it brought me great joy to hear Stormy Daniels allege she spanked the future leader of the free world using a magazine – with his own face on it.
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I’m not sure what the ‘bedroom term’ is for getting swotted with your own face, but let’s label it, “Trump on Ya Rump”. Unfortunately, I have never achieved the level of fame needed to have my face on a magazine, but I was in The Daily Mail Online once – so if someone has an iPad with Wi-Fi, we can give it a go. Maybe if Melania picked up an old Cosmopolitan and gave Trump a quick slap on the bum, the Americans would have better gun control.
The fierce clapbacks
Do you have people calling you names on a daily basis? I did a four-hour stint in a call centre selling roof cladding – so I feel I have a fair understanding of what it feels like to cop a mouthful. Stormy is an absolute expert at shading the trolls with the sassy comebacks only someone who with the thick skin of a porn star could provide. One particularly eloquent tweet fired at Stormy reads: “You are a stupid porn whore. Nobody cares what you say.”
Stormy’s return comes quicker than your high school boyfriend. “Except you, apparently. Hahaha! You seem quite concerned.” The insults fired at this woman come hard and fast – but Stormy consistently delivers viciously hilarious comebacks.
“I don’t need to prove I’m tough. It’s obvious,” she says. Maybe Trump should take a lesson from this thick skinned beauty before his next Twitter rant – or spend a few hours spruiking roof cladding – and harden up.
Being the ‘other woman’
Stormy Daniels is a real woman. Do I respect she allegedly knowingly slept with a married man? No. It’s simply not ok. But I do believe good people sometimes do unsavoury things. Look around at your loved ones and you’ll find imperfection.
People cheat, people make mistakes, people spank other people’s husbands with magazines. Once I bought a Cream of Country CD. My point is – Stormy Daniels might not have made an ethical choice. But she’s a very sharp and entertaining woman. And I’d prefer that over a Kardashian baby with Snapchat dog ears any day.