Sydney’s public transport is a mess, which is what happens when you build a city from the sea outwards, and then try to force some form of grid system into place.

Also, there are lots of people, lots of red tape, not enough space, and what in the living fuck are quiet carriages for when the train itself roars and clanks like a battle tank?

Still, sometimes the buses come on time, sometimes the trains aren’t sweltering, packed masses of humans of umbrellas, right? The ferry rides across the sparkling harbour are hard to complain about.

Yet, despite the above glowing praise, Arcadis’ 2017 Sustainable Cities Mobility Index report ranks Sydney a paltry 51st in the top cities for transport in the world.

“Sydney is truly a global city in many ways but it is still chasing truly integrated and sustainable transport,” Arcadis executive Stephen Taylor said of the low ranking.

“There are many great initiatives underway that will help improve Sydney’s ranking, such as the light rail and metro. However, as these are yet to be completed they are not reflected in the ranking.”

BAM! Australia failed all around in the listings, with Brisbane at 48th, Canberra 53rd, Melbourne 55th, and Perth 87th. Hong Kong led the list, followed by Zurich and Paris. Show offs.

The ever-quotable Clover Moore wasn’t surprised by the results, writing: “How is your commute this morning? People packed into trains like sardines, bus queues around the block – you don’t have to look far to see that our city is indeed lacking ‘truly integrated and sustainable transport’.

“So where is the Sydney Metro? A functional public transport system needs to start with a strong rail network. It’s time to get started on projects like the Metro West and the Metro CBD so we can all have a more enjoyable commute in the mornings, and a transport system we can be proud of on a global stage.”

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