Welcome to the BRAG’s weekly rundown of what’s hot in the coming seven days of cinematic releases. It seems my job these days is to announce the latest franchise entry among a series of films more deserving of your attention. Cynicism aside, your best options this week may be to stay at home.
I mean that sincerely – the TV renaissance is continuing in fine fashion, and you’d be well placed to clean up that Netflix queue. It’s winter, after all. And the television event of the century already unfolded on Monday…
Honourable mentions to The Shack (a faith-based melodramatic dead-kid drama, RT: 19%) and Hong Kong flick 29+1 (a comedy about how aging screws women over).
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Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
RT: 35%
I was not alone in my love for the original Pirates Of The Caribbean saga – under the direction of Gore Verbinski, Disney’s plan to turn a theme park ride into a silver screen adventure paid off handsomely, spawning the iconic Cap’n Jack Sparrow and a world-dominating franchise. Dead Man’s Chest, while flawed, was a darker delight, and the poorly received At World’s End at least did the courtesy of resolving things.
Then came Depp’s publicity plunge after allegedly beating on his wife; then On Stranger Tides, the 2011 cash-in no one wanted; and now Dead Men Tell No Tales, the “final” (ha) film pitting Sparrow (Johnny Depp) against Armando Salazar (Javier Bardem), a ruthless undead pirate hunter who vows the destruction of every pirate alive and uses a ship-eating ship as means to that end. Joining Jack is local lad Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, the son of returning crew Will (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) – explain that timeline, sports fans.
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Co-director Joachim Rønning (working with fellow Marco Polo director Espen Sandberg) has already stated he believes it’s not the last – he wants another ten. But it’s time to put down the Aztec gold, and join Davy Jones in the locker. The flesh has long since worn away from these pirate bones.
tl;dr This is a film late, but come on… the shot speaks for itself.
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The Sense Of An Ending
RT: 72%
Jim Broadbent and Charlotte Rampling star in this British-American adaptation of Julian Barnes‘ Man Booker Prize-winning novel, under the direction of Ritesh Batra (The Lunchbox). The tale is centred on retired business owner Tony (Broadbent), who spends his time ruminating until a letter arrives that forces him into dealing with his past.
The narrative unfolds in parallel, with Tony and Veronica (Rampling) mirrored as young people in the forms of Billy Howle and Freya Mavor respectively. Naturally, the core criticism is received is that it skims the surface of a deep and complex novel, but this is almost universally true. Almost.
I’m getting a strong Atonement vibe, sans the wartime backdrop. One can only hope that this film, at least, won’t rip my feckin’ heart out and curbstomp it like that film did. All evidence points to the contrary – A Sense Of An Ending is quiet, mannered and utterly British.
tl;dr We all make mistakes and love is complicated so mind your FUCKING BUSINESS BRIONY
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Wilson
RT: 40%
Ever since True Detective, the sight of Woody Harrelson makes me smile. Laura Dern has always made me smile, literally my whole life. And folks who don’t give a single goddamn entertain me. You know what doesn’t make me smile? Dirty Grandpa. And while this looks infinitely better, it’s still tapping into the same misanthropic comedy vein of grumpy old white men trying to relive the ‘glory days before political correctness ruined everything’.
It comes across kinda like House M.D. – you know, dated – but the premise is not without merit. Wilson (Harrelson) is a crotchety old loner, who decides to see what his ex-wife is up to 17 years after their breakup. At which point he discovers she had a daughter by him that he never knew existed. It’s based on a graphic novel by Ghost World writer Daniel Clowes, which also puts in good steed, and the cast should guarantee it will be *at worst* tolerable.
So there’s always that – it’ll be better than Dirty Grandpa. Which is kinda like saying that an underwhelming date would be better than having a screwdriver applied to your testes.
tl;dr
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Norman: The Moderate Rise And Tragic Fall Of A New York Fixer
RT: 87%
Phew, I’m glad this had a subtitle. Otherwise we’d have two film names that are just boy’s names in a row. Norman, sneaking in under the radar, has this in common with Wilson: one hell of a cast. Richard Gere leads Michael Sheen, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Steve Buscemi, Hank Azaria, goodness gracious me.
Norman’s a fixer. He wheels and deals; he knows the right things to do and say, and the right people to say and do them for. One such chap is Eshel (Lior Ashkenazi), an Israeli dignitary, whom Norman goes out of his way to impress. Years later, Eshel becomes the prime minister of Israel – and now Norman doesn’t know how to deal with him.
It’s an impressive setup for a film vaguely reminiscent of the underrated The Informant!, and has proven a huge boon for late-career Gere. So there’s a clear choice for you, without judgement – Wilson for low-class laughs, Norman for wittier drama.
tl;dr Gives you something to really chew over.
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TV Special: Twin Peaks (Showtime/Stan)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHRARCb4APA
In 1990, the world shook as five words emerged from the mouth of Pete Martell (the dearly departed Jack Nance): “She’s dead! Wrapped in plastic!”
‘She’ was Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee), the homecoming queen found dead on the bank of a river, and her murder was the catalyst that brought FBI Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) to Twin Peaks, a quiet American town shrouded in grief. She was the centre of the most compelling and surreal mystery television had yet conjured.
And now, 26 years later, the original cast and creators are back for another slice of cherry pie. Though Laura’s murderer was unearthed in the second series – prematurely, hence the show’s slide into ignominy – much was left unresolved in Twin Peaks, and showrunners David Lynch and Mark Frost decided there was still a story to be told. If you need to catch up, check the series out on Stan, read our article (above) and check out this handy survival guide.
We could not be more excited, though it’s tragic the series’ return will not feature those actors we’ve lost since 1991 – the irreplaceable Nance, Frank Silva, Don S. Davis, Dan O’Herlihy, John Boylan, and David Bowie (who starred in the prequel film Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me). Wherever you are, boys, hope you have a damn fine coffee.
tl;dr If you haven’t seen the original, strap yourself in – it’s BINGE TIME.
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And now for THE VERDICT – maybe you only get to see one of these flicks on the big screen, and you don’t wanna waste that night out. So, drum roll please…
It’s been 25 years. We have an appointment with Laura Palmer under the sycamore trees. If you’re off on a first date, grab a ticket to Wilson or Norman, depending on your date’s preference. But if they’re comfortable coming to yours, stay in, hook up Stan and get lost in Twin Peaks.
Until next week!
