34 thoughts I had during the first ep of Too Hot To Handle season two

In some absolutely salacious news that truly makes my heart sing with joy, we’ve been blessed with the first four brand spanking new episodes of Netflix’s trashiest show Too Hot To Handle season two.

If you haven’t seen the first season, then I am very jealous as you have some quality binge-viewing time ahead of you. However, if you’d prefer to be caught up to speed here, the premise of the show is throwing a group of hot & horny individuals into a villa together who are told they’re not allowed to engage in any sexual activities or they will have their prize money taken away.

Last year THTH gave us the very controversial Francesca Farago and Aussie Harry Jowsey who got engaged with a ring pop and have basically been on and off ever since.

Not to be outdone by last year, Netflix has done good on their promise to deliver us the hottest and horniest singles ever. From a stripper to a lawyer to a TikTok star – all dying to get their dacks off, we’re pretty much guaranteed a good time this season.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I waited with bated breath for the clock to hit 12 and started binging the second it hit Netflix. Oh, and I did so with a pen and paper in hand so you can keep up with my musings on the first episode below.

I’ve also put a handy lil guide below of each contestant and their name in case you’re having a bit of trouble putting a name to face.

34 thoughts I had during the first ep of Too Hot To Handle season 2

1. The host just informed us that the contestants are allowed to bang and pash for a whole 12 hours before they’re told they’re actually on Too Hot To Handle. How many babies will be made on this fateful day?

2. Melinda, the self-dubbed firecracker “needs compliments” and “needs guys to tell her how pretty she looks”. Welp, great. Nothing like reinforcing the fucked up gender stereotype women have fought for years to break.

3. Carly: “What do you do?”

Nathan: “Have you ever seen magic mike? That’s what I do”

Bro, just say you’re a stripper, no need for your rehearsed career opening line.

4.  Nathan: “Being a British guy living in America, you don’t really need to have any game. All you need to say is ‘good morning’ or ‘Harry Potter’ and it’s on”.

Ok, as an Aussie dating an American, this is relatable. Those suckers go ga-ga for a good accent.

5. Hows the vay-jay-jay close up on the girls at 7 mins 40 seconds. Ahh trash in its purest form.

6. Now the contestants are talking about boners. Point proven. These guys have no fucking chance at staying celibate and there’s only three of them at this point.

7. Hahahahahaha Nathan just suggested a threesome. You couldn’t even write anything more predictable.

8. He comes hot as hell Emily, chances are high that she’s this year’s Francesca Farago.

9. I like Chase. There. I said something that’s not negative.

10. Emily asks Cams height to which he responds around six foot one. Emily then tells Cam he looks more like five foot eleven and its basically the equivalent of telling an eight year old that Santa isn’t real on Christmas Day and I LOVE IT.

11. Just going to say it. Cam makes me wanna vom after that putrid Gollum impression.

12. Where’s this year’s Harry Jowsey? AKA the token Aussie hottie that brings all the laughs.

13. This side-of-the-pond twang alert: here’s Hazza but in the form of a blonde and bubbly NZ lawyer named Larissa. Exhibit A: “I call it the three B’s, so I like a brunette, banter and balls, you gotta have good dick game.”

14. Oh a Tik Tok star. Goodie. Side note: this guy is not messing around, I caved and checked out his TikTok (all in the name of research, of course). He had over 2 million followers before the show was even released.

15. I never understand why people on reality TV shows have so much trouble opening a champagne bottle. Firstly, it’s piss easy. Secondly, surely these kids are out there popping bottles on the reg?

16. Please tell me Marvin’s ‘city of love’ French game isn’t fooling anyone else. This guy is a true fuck boy, pure and simple.

17.“Hopefully it’s just one big gang bang, that would be nice”. Hahahahaha these ppl are fucked.

18. The boys chat about their favourite girl and it confirms my suspicion that Emily is, indeed, this year’s Francesca.

19. Emily’s into Cam. WHAT IN THE HEAVENS. Emily, girl, come on you can do better than that. *Cough* the large hunk of a man called Chase *cough*.

20. Emily and Cam are now going to share a bed. Cam is giving me Gaz Beadle from Geordie Shore vibes. An attraction I will never ever understand.

21. Can Carly just write a book about the skill of seduction already plzzz

22. If you remove the fake sound effect, was the scene where Carly softly banged her head on the sofa before kissing Chase really worthy of three replays?

23. Is the TikTok guy old enough to drink?

24. Wow, Cam has a degree in criminology? Truly shocked he missed the chance to drop a corny one-liner about being a criminal in love/seduction/sex.

25. Don’t do it Emily, don’t kiss Gaz, ahem, Cam.

26. Too late. Do veneers that are that obviously fake (and white) feel weird to kiss?

27. Two hours until Lana – the all-seeing anti-sex robot/host – is revealed. Yessss ply the hornist ppl on earth with alcohol and dress them in lingerie. I truly live for this shit.

28. Cam says “none of us look bad, we all look sexy” while adorned in glitter and dressed in a sequinned turquoise satin crop top a 12-year-old would wear on TikTok. LOL.

29. Blah blah blah can we just tell them no ones allowed to bang already?

30. Fast forward a few mins and YASS our fake host is here to break the news and break their hearts (if any of them have one).

31. Dum, dum, dum. All these people have obviously seen the original THTH and know straight away what show they’re on as soon as Lana pops up.

32. The contestants all say they’re devo that they’re on Too Hot To Handle but the sparkle in their eyes say otherwise. *HELLO NETFLIX BIGGEST REALITY SHOW. HELLO LUCRATIVE HAIR GROWTH GUMMIES PARTNERSHIP.*

33. “This is not what I signed up for… I signed up for dick” oh Larissa, you are perfect. (For this show).

34. Lana tells the contestants she’ll deduct money from the prize fund if anyone breaks her no-sex rules. Come on Lana, these people totally know they’re going to make more than 100k split ten ways when their influencer gig skyrockets after this show airs, they DGAF about a couple of grand. Bring on the sex!!!

You can stream the first four episodes on Netflix here.

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