Welcome to the BRAG’s weekly rundown of what’s hot in the coming seven days of cinematic releases. One of my most anticipated films of the year is upon us, for those with the stomach for it, as well as a shiny new offering from Disney’s animation studio.
The Witch is far from being the only supersititious tale on offer, however – this week, storytellers looking for outside forces to blame have also turned to the inadequacies of so-called “medical science” and the propensity of foreigners to “ruin everything”. So is black magic really such a stretch?
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THE WITCH
The moment I’ve been waiting for has arrived – after stunning audiences at Sundance, production designer Robert Eggers‘ debut as director finally hits Aussie cinemas, and I could not be more excited. The trailer is a masterclass in tension and the reviews have been of a calibre rarely seen in horror.
READ our full review of The Witch here
“It feels like we’re watching something we should not be seeing,” read one write-up, and it’s exactly what horror fans want to hear. Especially after last year’s It Follows, we’re hungry for more high-art horror and quality chills. The Witch, according to most sources, does not disappoint.
A family in New England moves out into the wilderness, and what starts as bad luck begins to seem cruelly co-ordinated. As black forces descend on the family, their suspicions turn on each other, and particularly on their daughter (Anya Taylor-Joy)…
tl;dr Their lives would have been easier if they’d just used the simple test.
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LONDON HAS FALLEN
I think The AV Club’s Ignatiy Vishnevetsky says it best: “A murky, brain-dead stab-a-thon packed with so many inane chases, laughable special effects, and mismatched stock footage shots that it begs to be made into a drinking game, London Has Fallen is one of those rare films that is good at absolutely nothing.”
Need I say more? Put it this way, if there’s really this many people vying to kill your fictional president, he’s either the greatest president of all time or the worst. And considering Aaron Eckhart’s track record of playing the so-called good guys, I’m leaning towards the latter.
There’s also the assumption that Britain’s security can’t compare to one gun-toting American bodyguard. Let’s not forget that we’re talking about one of the most secure nations in the world. The one that has, you know, the Queen.
tl;dr Still considering it? Why not flip a coin? If it’s tails, check it out.
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THE DAUGHTER
If you’re in the theatre scene, you’re familiar with Simon Stone, regularly touted as a “wunderkind” director (yes, people actually use that phrase) despite doing little outside of what every great German director has done before. One of his better efforts, Belvoir’s 2014 staging of Henrik Ibsen‘s The Wild Duck, has now made its way to the screen, where the use of a live duck will presumably have somewhat less impact.
Yes, it’s frustrating to see so many of Australia and New Zealand’s great talents – among them Geoffrey Rush, Sam Neill, Miranda Otto and Ewen Leslie – throw their efforts into yet another retelling of a European classic, but that should come as no surprise to those who know Stone’s work.
Despite this, it’s been favourably reviewed and should satisfy the needs of anyone seeking another bare-bones Aussie drama about families whose poor relationship with truth divides them.
tl;dr Ibsen’s still relevant today? I dunno, sounds a little… Farfetch’d.
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MIRACLES FROM HEAVEN
Oh. My. Goodness. For those of you who thought, “The Witch seems a little too… occult for my tastes”, here’s some thought-free Clear Channel isn’t-God-great drivel. Watch as Jennifer Garner yells at doctors for doing their jobs, and Brighton Sharbino manages to maintain a healthy relationship with her sister for a change (link and gif below contain Walking Dead spoilers).
Let’s put aside for a moment the fact that the trailer spoils the entire plot. Let’s just put aside the plot, in fact, wherein a little girl is horribly sick (in her stomach, by the looks of everything) and yet falling out of a tree and landing on her head does what medicine can’t and cures her. Because ‘He’ said it would.
No doubt the film to watch this week while you’re stuck indoors caring for your smallpox-ridden child, who you didn’t immunise because you think vaccines cause autism.
tl;dr Look at the flowers, Miracles From Heaven…
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ZOOTOPIA
The trailer may not sell it, but those who’ve already seen the latest from the creators of the wonderful Big Hero 6 are raving. Rolling Stone in particular sees it as incredibly “subversive” (a surprise coming from Disney), even if they didn’t back the statement up with a high rating.
Would it matter if they did? 99% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES! WHAT THE ACTUAL. And let’s not forget the look on that goddamn sloth’s face.
Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman and Idris Elba take the lead in one of Disney’s most inventive universes yet, an anthromorphic metropolis where a little lady rabbit dreams of being taken seriously as a cop.
tl;dr This is the face on every critic.
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And now for THE VERDICT – maybe you only get the chance to see one of these flicks on the big screen, and you don’t wanna waste that night out. So, drum roll please…
I think we all know where this is headed. The critics have spoken highly of Zootopia, and those of the family persuasion can’t afford to miss it. For everyone else, believe the hype. Spread the hype. Tell your friends it’s the season of The Witch.
Until next week!
