It looks as if Urban Outfitters is now the stepping stone to Goop. The shopping conglomerate has earned itself the reputation for stocking absurd oddities. From axolotl bonnets for your dog to Ruth Bader Ginsburg figurines, the site truly knows how to pander to the nichest sectors of society. Now, Urban Outfitters has voyaged into the world of sex toys — they’re flogging emoji-inspired vibrators.
The vibrators, sold under the name Emojibators, come in five different varieties. Let’s take a look at them below.
Traditional Vibrators
These vibrators are made from medical-grade silicone, they offer 10 modes and are completely waterproof. The traditional vibrator is represented by three different emojis — a banana, an eggplant and a chilli-pepper (not to be confused with Anthony Kiedis). They retail for $29 and are discreet as hell.
The Next Level
Emojibators also offer two next-level products. The Emojibator chickie and shark. Let’s take a look at them below.
The Shark Emojibator: It’s shark week every week. This shark vibrator offers internal + external stimulation. It has 8 vibration settings + 3 pump settings. Perfect for literally anyone who hasn’t seen Jaws. The shark vibrator currently retails for $89.
The Chickie Emojibator: This chick-shaped vibrator offers external stimulation 8 vibration settings + 8 suction settings. Perfect for those with the safe phrase “I don’t like gravy!.” This chook of pleasure can be yours for a humble $89.
Yeah, the products are gimmicky, but they’re pretty fucking cool. In a world where everything is taboo and awkward, it’s refreshing to have a company approach sex with such silliness.
The biography on the Emojibator website reads:
We believe in humor and education to promote a society that celebrates pleasure. Designed with this in mind, our products deliver countless health benefits while empowering women with de-li-cious orgasms. If you seek self-pleasure, the playful and perfect gift, or are just embracing your inner vegan, Emojibator will deliver.
Unfortunately, they’re yet to stock a monkey-covering-eyes emoji that’ll disappoint you in the sack and leave you on read but hey, there’s always hope.
You can buy them here.
