In what can only be described as an act against god, Victoria Bitter are flogging the most heinous, offensive looking Christmas sweaters willed into existence.
It’s a sartorial gag reflex trigger. I am anticipating that my sleep paralysis demon will take on a new form as a Newtown irony bro, smugly donning this sinful creation. The kind of weak, tepid personality type that still quotes “not bad, good size” at any given opportunity.
It brings me no pleasure to announce that the first 100 sweaters have already sold out, and the nations favourite beer are planning on flogging 400 more next week.
The sweater itself is actually fire, despite my resentment towards the culture that will inevitably shroud it. The nightmare pullover was made locally in Ballarat, from a poly-cotton blend — so you’re guaranteed to cop an absolutely delicious case of chest acne. It features a design of small stubbies and cans.
I don’t know how pragmatic of a purchase this will be considering winter is almost over, and even if winter wasn’t almost over we’re living through an environmental crisis and it’s fucking hot as all of the time. On the other hand we could all acknowledge that life is meaningless and nothing matters so fuck maybe we should all go down with the polar caps wearing a polyester blend kitschy, hellish sweater.
If you want to cop one for yourself, head here.
In other news, Green Beacon Brewing Co, has a hectic deal going for all you beer-guzzling Australians. The Brisbane Brewpub which went national online amid COVID-19, is now offering free, same-day, Brisbane metro delivery. That’s with no minimum order, and no contact delivery, seven days a week.
The offer for locals who jump on their online store before 12:30pm will receive cold, hand-delivered beer the very same afternoon. And if you’re not in, or around Brisbane Metro, Green Beacon is still offering free door-to-door courier services nationwide (you just select standard shipping at checkout).
