Last week, a 17-year-old boy from Melbourne Grammar stood up on the stage during an assembly, and proceeded to tell his entire school that he was gay.
Reading this news made me tense up in a full body cringe, remembering my own quasi-public admission of homosexuality in front of my class when I was 16.
I didn’t feel the cringe because of shame, I felt it because I remember how freakin’ vulnerable I felt in that moment. I couldn’t have imagined doing it in front of 1,000 people – it was hard enough to do it in front of 30.
Also worth noting is that Melbourne Grammar is an all boys’ school. I went to an all girls’ school. The gay thing is huge at single sex schools. You can’t surround yourself with the opposite sex to ‘prove’ you’re straight or somehow drape yourself in hetero camouflage.
This kid’s actions are important. This is what we need to challenge a collective homophobia that is so entrenched it’s become part of the paintwork. Each time somebody comes out like this, in a show of defiance and, let’s be real, shitloads of courage, it makes it easier for somebody else to do it as well.
I looked her dead in the eye, and was surprised by my voice, which came out level and low. I said, ‘I can’t get married.’
My own high school closet ejection was totally unplanned.
I was in a sociology class, and my 60-something-year-old teacher was talking to us about marriage. We went around in a circle and gave our thoughts about whether we wanted to get married.
Gay marriage wasn’t a topic that was in mainstream society’s consciousness enough for it to have filtered into the conversation as it would today. It was still ‘niche interest’ and existed on the fringes, so of course, nobody mentioned it.
For all I knew, everybody else in the class was heterosexual. I was second last in line to speak, and I felt my guts coil up in fear. I didn’t understand why I suddenly felt afraid; I felt like if I plain lied and said I wanted to get married, it wouldn’t sound believable and that somehow, they’d know I was trying to cover my gayness. If I said I didn’t want to get married, I would basically be admitting my gayness. I was in a pickle.
As each girl spoke of her potential marriage/non-marriage, I felt the adrenaline in my body intensify. By the time it came to my turn, I could barely control myself. My hands were shaking and my stomach was swooping around. My heart was trying to escape out of me via my arse. My body was behaving like I was lining up to get shot. Wtf?
As my adorable old lady teacher innocently asked me if I wanted to get married, I looked her dead in the eye, and was surprised by my voice, which came out level and low. I said, “I can’t get married.”
She looked confused but didn’t ask what I meant. I knew in this moment, I’d have to go all the way, and clarify.
“Because,” I said, “I’m gay.”
Dead silence.
I felt like the air had been sucked out of the room.
The girls around me were unblinking, mouths open. The teacher stared at me for about two seconds, seeming to short circuit. I was like, “Oh God, please don’t say something nasty,” and then suddenly she rebooted and said, “Well I don’t have a problem with that, not one iota!” And with that, the pressure in the room stabilised and I could breathe again.
Years later, a girl in that class sent me a message thanking me for coming out. It had given her the courage to come out too. This was shocking to me, because I’d never have expected my actions to have any consequence for anybody but myself. It was nice.
That said, congratulations to that Melbourne Grammar boy – who knows how many he’s saved just by being honestly and unabashedly himself?
This Week
On Friday June 2, head over to The Red Rattler in Marrickville for Queer Islands, a hedonistic queer party hosted by DJ Homo Rainbow. With DJs (including HipHopHoe, with more to be announced) drag queens and queer performers. All proceeds will be donated to Triple Care Farm’s music program. Tickets are available now.
On Saturday June 3, get down to The Shift Club on Oxford Street for The Reunion – Black & White. As the name suggests, the dress code is black and white, with prizes for best dressed announced onstage at midnight. This is an over 30s event and features DJs Cadell, Jorgie Jay, Charlie Brown, Louie Diamond and Klimax. Tickets are available now.
Also on Saturday June 3, as part of Vivid Music, eminent drag queen Vanessa Wagner is hosting Cosy Nook at the Captain Cook Hotel in Paddington. It’s is a night of music, dancing, art and exhibitionism, held without pretence, and dressing up is encouraged. Tickets are available now but will sell quickly, so get on it.
