Last weekend, a party in London caused a (queer-bubble-sized) stir. It was a party put on by The Impeccable Ladies, and was supposed to be a party for queer femme women. The door policy stipulated no men or drag queens, and butches, trans men and drag kings were only to be allowed entry if accompanied by a femme.
Perhaps understandably, there was a bit of backlash surrounding the party and its exclusory (and not to mention, fairly binary-centric) door policies. People found it unfair that men were excluded entirely, that some lesbians could be excluded from a lesbian party, and that men and women were divided in stereotypically binary ways that seemed to ignore notions of a gender spectrum – something quite familiar to the queer world at large.
I mostly understand and totally empathise with the party’s intention. Queer femme women are often marginalised and made invisible within the queer community, and are eclipsed in mainstream society by the typical lesbian stereotype. People, both queer and not, assume they’re straight because they’re not wearing plaid. Men hit on them, lesbians don’t. In lesbian spaces, butch women can often take on a patriarchal vibe, where masculinity is hyped, and the most masculine people take precedence.
In Sydney, we’re lucky enough to have parties like Heaps Gay or Homosocial that are almost evenly gendered, or queer parties like Kooky where gender seems to be a much more fluid concept. These parties feel welcoming to all kinds of people, though I can’t speak for everyone, and all spaces risk alienating portions of the community.
In situations like this, it would make sense to allow a space for femme women to be recognised and made visible. And really, this is one party that comes along every few months; can’t these people just be allowed to have their one exclusory night, before returning to the world that inherently excludes them?
So while I’m generally of the view that femme women should be allowed to have a space for themselves, my problem mostly lies with the arbitrary butch/femme divide.
Some queer women do prescribe to these identities, and obviously enough for a night like this to go ahead in London. However, I feel like in Sydney, an event like that just wouldn’t translate.
I recently went out dressed in baggy ‘boyfriend’-style jeans, a baggy T-shirt, Doc Martens, a denim jacket and a backpack. Teamed with my bowl cut, based on this description, you’d probably assume I appeared fairly butch. However, my jacket, hair and backpack were pastel pink. My T-shirt and socks, mint green. My jeans, light blue. Nothing about that colour scheme screams particularly masc to me.
In thinking about attending this party while I was in London, I had to ask myself whether I’d be allowed entry, or whether I needed to attend with someone more visibly femme. To me, and I suspect to large portions of the Sydney community, the lines are far more blurred than the butch/femme binary allows. I choose to present in a way that is simultaneously butch, femme, and neither. Some days I might be more butch, on others I might even dabble in lipstick.
That a door person was essentially going to judge my identity based on my outfit, and assess whether or not I was feminine enough in a snap judgement, seemed too stressful for me. I am who I am, and I don’t know whether that is femmey enough to be an Impeccable Lady – and I don’t know if I want someone else telling me so.
Photo: Ashley Mar
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This week…
This Wednesday August 5 has another instalment of Goodgod Trivia, this time questioning all things The L Word. After that, Birdcage is having a relaunch in the revamped Slyfox. The venue is celebrating its new look all week. There’ll be pole dancing, performances, and all the regular DJs till late.
On Friday August 7, Sydney University party scenesters Shades are back with their welcome to semester party at The Midnight Shift. For a university crowd, there’ll be guaranteed dancing if pop music’s your thing.
Saturday August 8 sees Mad Racket return to the Marrickville Bowling Club with Chicago DJ The Black Madonna [pictured].While not explicitly queer events, Mad Racket parties always boast a very welcoming crowd with great music.
Finally, don’t drink too much over the weekend, because on Sunday August 9 there’s a rally for marriage equality starting from Sydney Town Hall. With the ALP recently flaking on a conscience vote, it’s still a huge fight to pass the bill, so these rallies need all the support they can get!
