As Father’s Day approaches, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on our original founding fathers who made all the dads out there possible. I am, of course, talking about the caveman.
As the saying goes… “you can take the man out of the cave, but you can’t take the cave out of the man.” Ok, it’s not a real saying, but it is a twist on an old classic. And it’s a dad joke. And… I digress.
Man has always had an innate love of all things cave. It’s ingrained in our DNA. In fact, archaeologists have discovered the earliest evidence of our cave-dwelling ancestors at the Wonderwerk Cave in South Africa. Turns out that our forebears were around way before we ever thought – roughly 2 million years ago. This has given us plenty of time to perfect our male retreats.
These primitive caves offered our Homo habilis brethren escape from the elements, protection from the giant mammals that tried to eat them and gave early man a place to celebrate after successful hunts. These parties would typically go well into the night, if cave paintings have taught us anything. Fortunately, man caves were built pretty solid back then, so noise complaints probably weren’t a real issue with the neighbours.
Fossil evidence supports that the caveman tribe females gathered elsewhere in the shelter, probably in the early “She Shed.” But that’s another story for another time on another website in another galaxy with a cold, indifferent sun.
If a man farts in his Man Cave, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
In the first caves, early man would don leather loincloths most likely made from whatever he devoured the night before. Today’s modern man is defined by more unashamed man-ness – a totally pants-free environment for total freedom of movement. This is his domain, after all. A fortress of masculinity. A retreat for all food made out of meat. Where beer flows like wine. 70s albums play without interruption. And men can be… well, the highly evolved creatures we are… men.
Now, if you’re going to build yourself the ultimate man cave, you want to do it right, but you also don’t want to break the bank in the process. The average cost is somewhere in the $5,000 to $10,000 range, not including all the modern trimmings and trappings, eg: heated toilet seats, novelty beer taps (beer kegs included), giant pleather reclining couches, pool and ping pong and gambling tables, video games, the largest flat screen known to mankind, surround sound that goes up to 11, hot tubs, wall urinals, etc. The man cave is your oyster, cowboy. Just come up with a great theme and run with it. But remember, make it yours and make it awesome. Here are a few of my favourites for inspiration: (Note, these guys blew the budget!)
If you have an amazing Man Cave you’d like to share with all the dads out there, post a photo for some inspiration. That way, they can put a Man Cave on their Father’s Day wish list.