Humourist David Sedaris has come under fire after debuting a sketch in which he implied civilians should be able to fire retail workers in what he dubs a “citizens dismissal.”
“During this difficult time when so many Americas are looking for work, I’d like introduce an idea for something I’m calling the ‘citizen’s dismissal,’ Sedaris explains. “It’s like a citizen’s arrest, but instead of detaining someone, you get to fire them.”
The sketch saw Sedaris delve into a number of scenarios in which he’s experienced less than satisfactory customer service. Drawing from an experience in which he and his sister bought an expensive set of crockery from a retail employee that didn’t have any bags handy.
“I’d have liked to do the same to a salesperson who worked at a store where my sister and I bought a number of very expensive cups and saucers. The woman rang them up, and after I paid she stood there, blinking. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t got anything to put them in,’ she said. ‘No bubble wrap or bags,” he recalled.
“‘So, we should, what? Just carry the cups and saucers in our hands?’ my sister asked.”
“‘Well, they’re yours,’ the woman said. ‘You bought them.'”
“‘Do you have a purse?'” I wanted to ask. “‘If so, you need to get it and go home. My sister and I are firing you!'”
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.@DavidSedaris demands the right to fire others
The humorist suggests the power of a “citizen’s dismissal,” like a citizen’s arrest, could revolutionize customer service https://t.co/bIqxoYzGs0 pic.twitter.com/fTli5vqf2F
— CBS Sunday Morning ? (@CBSSunday) December 6, 2020
The sketch has incited widespread backlash on Twitter. Despite being completely void of humour, something about a man that makes $2 million a year churning out a bit about firing retail employees that are probably struggling to survive on an unliveable wage left a bad taste in the mouths of us mere working class.
“What an asshole,” on Twitter user wrote. “We are living during a pandemic and people are working in unimaginable conditions under immeasurable stress. Running this entitled opinion in the same episode discussing the eviction crisis makes no sense. It was gross.”
“If anything the David Sedaris thing just reveals the two bubbles,” wrote Connecticut comedian Bridget Phetasy. “Only people significantly detached from the working class wouldn’t consider that a bit going after service industry workers — an industry that has been ravaged by the pandemic — might not land right now.”
The sketch embodies a weird kind of cognitive dissonance considering it was David Sedaris’ 1992 musings for NPR on being a downtrodden retail worker as a Macy’s elf during Christmastime in 1992 that launched him into the higher echelons of the humourist canon. As glaringly highlighted in the below excerpt:
There was a line for Santa and a line for the women’s bathroom. And one woman, after asking me a thousand questions already, asked, which is the line for the women’s bathroom? And I shouted that I thought it was the line with all the women in it. She said, I’m going to have you fired. I had two people say that to me today – I’m going to have you fired. Go ahead. Be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn’t get any worse than this.
Perhaps instead of introducing a citizen’s dismissal, we should introduce a comedian’s dismissal. In which it’s illegal for anyone who makes a six-figure salary to try their hand at humour. Just spitballing here.
