You all know FriendlyJordies by now: some of you love him, some of you loath him; some of you, probably in the space of one video, love him and loath him. If marmite gained sentience, it would become FriendlyJordies, otherwise known as Jordan Shanks.

Over hundreds of videos, the YouTuber has taken to task Australia’s culture and politics, whether that be the quality of Married at First Sight or the ‘quality’ of John Barilaro.

While you might not always agree with what he says – there is no such thing as an infallible journalist – FriendlyJordies can always be relied on for hot takes spicier than a post-Taco Bell toilet trip.

With that in mind, we thought we’d take a look through his many YouTube videos – god, the Australian accent was only meant to be heard in small doses – and compile a list of four of his best hot takes. And this should go without saying but here goes anyway: the views and opinions expressed in the videos featured in this article are those of FriendlyJordies and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of The Brag Media. Phew.

Sydney Vs. Melbourne

The age-old question. The heavyweight battle of Aussie cities. Culture vs. tourism. Cold vs. hot. The, um, Eureka Skydeck vs. Sydney Opera House. As one of YouTube’s most prominent Aussies, it was only a matter of time before FriendlyJordies gave his take on the city rivals. In 2019 he compared the two, starting by trashing Melbourne’s foodie reputation, pointing out that they like to dine at Grill’d a lot (we do?).

He then scores Sydney’s roads above Melbourne’s (which, considering my Uber driver accidentally took me across the Sydney Harbour Bridge when I was trying to get to the Opera House (!) in April because your CBD is such a convoluted mess, I call foul). See for yourself who ultimately triumphs. Pure FriendlyJordies bait. 

Australia Is Becoming A Police State

A new hot take, FriendlyJordies’ more recent video posits that Australia is descending into a world Orwell could only dream of. After briefly noting some of the ‘better’ aspects of living in a Police State (“S.W.A.T. teams do look cool”), he reveals that he’s been looking into the Department of Home Affairs: he says that Liberals cripple science and research unless it’s science and research to spy on the public.

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FriendlyJordies then bemoans that all of our nerds are going into cyber security, a supreme waste of their talents; return to Games Workshop, your spiritual home! He then notes that Home Affairs is trying to pass something called the ‘Identify and Disrupt Bill’ which he says will allow government agencies to modify and collect data, collect intelligence from online communities, and even take over online accounts. Orwellian indeed. 

Why Triple J Is Complete Trash

Iconoclast: a person who attacks or criticises cherished beliefs or institutions. Triple J: a cherished Aussie institution. Coming for Australia’s beloved radio station was a big move, although these days Triple J divides the public in opinion almost as much as FriendlyJordies himself. We get it, you’ve got the Hottest 100: Glass Animals won in 2020, it’s not exactly a harbinger of quality.

After fondly remembering the genuinely excellent hosts of years gone by, FriendlyJordies calls the new Triple J batch of hosts (the video comes from 2018) as “the generic amalgamation of every socially uncalibrated sycophant that hovers around the periphery of your friend group and appears to mistake having a personality for being a quote-unquote meme lord” (pot really calling the kettle black here). He goes on to question the diversity and integrity of the station, as well as mocking the quintessential Triple J listener (I’m sure you all have friends that listen religiously). Also, justice for Kerser

The U.K. Today: A Poverty-Stricken DUMP

FriendlyJordies turned his attention away from Australia’s political woes for a change in 2019, focusing on the tumultuous U.K. landscape at the turn of that year’s General Election. He explains that the Conservatives haven’t stopped migrants entering the country as much as they want their public to believe. Thanks to Tory austerity, he notes, one fifth of the country’s population live in poverty, despite it being the world’s fifth largest economy.

Other damning statistics are dropped that you wouldn’t believe. If only more people had watched his video and been swayed, perhaps the U.K. wouldn’t have Etonian effete Boris in charge right now. Yes, I blame you FriendlyJordies. Solely you.