Hi, my name is Patrick and I like alcohol. Being a poor 21 year old, I’m not too picky about what I drink. I won’t say no to a $6 bottle of cleanskin, and you can bet that I go for the cheapest bottle of tequila possible.
It’s clear I’m no expert, my drink of choice when I’m feeling bougie is a tommy’s margarita. However it’s recently come to my attention that when given an option, there are people out there that will CHOOSE to drink an Aperol spritz.
If you’re not familiar, an Aperol spritz has three key ingredients – Aperol, prosecco, and soda. If you’re feeling fancy, chuck a round of orange in there and BAM, you have a gross cocktail that tastes like watered down cough medicine.
Like I said, I’m not picky when it comes to drinking. But there are some serious issues with the spritz we have to discuss.
The Aperol itself
Aperol is gross. It tastes like weird cough syrup you got as a kid. It’s bitter and sweet (like me without the sweetness), it’s got an unnaturally bright orange colour that looks so artificial. It literally just sits at the bottom of the cocktail looking out of place.
The prosecco
I love me some prosecco – as I said, I’m poor I can’t afford champagne. But why mix it with cough syrup? Why not just take a Coldral with some prosecco?
The soda
Yes, soda is a classic mixer with spirits. One of my party tricks is being able to down a vodka, lime, soda before the payment has gone through on my card. But why would you add a little bit of soda to the Aperol spritz? Why not just add a bit more prosecco? I do not like my drink being watered down any more than necessary.
Really, I guess what I’m trying to say is that this drink is all kinds of gross and we should all stop drinking them now. Next time you’re at a bar thinking about ordering one, perhaps go out on a limb and try a ‘spressy mar. Or even get a bit wild and go for a westy marg (tequila and solo).
