In completely reckless news, Fireball Whisky has released a limited-edition goonsack dubbed the Firebox.
I was already fearing for my own survival this summer, there’s a looming aura of chaos in the air. Friday long lunches are getting longer, days are getting hotter, pints are getting colder. After being cucked by a global pandemic it feels like everyone has pent up steam they’re itching to blow off.
The knowledge that a 3.5 litre box of Fireball has been willed into existence has made my stomach churn. I’m experiencing a ghost sensation of bile creeping up my esophagus. I’m a goner.
The Firebox contains two 1.75L bags of Fireball with spouts positioned on either end of the box, meaning you and your most unhinged friends can slam the spicy liquid down your gullet at the same time.
“So many of our Aussie Fireball fanatics have a soft spot for the trusty old goon bag. We think it’s the perfect time of year to ramp up the silly season, so get this bad boy in the fridge or esky for some fun everyone can get in on,” Fireball Australia’s Marketing Manager Jon Prew explains.
The devil sacks contain around 100 30ml shots. If you’re abiding by the coronavirus 20 people maximum rule, you’ll easily be able to sink five shots each.
The sacks are extremely limited, with Fireball only releasing 1000 of the bad boys. They’ll set you back a cool $224.99.
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If you miss out on purchasing this death-inducing invention, perhaps just cop yourself one of those “middle-aged woman suffering a case of suburban milieu” portable cask bags and fill it up with whatever liquor you like to torture yourself with.
It’s the silly season!
