Welcome to the BRAG’s weekly rundown of what’s hot in the coming seven days of cinematic releases. Another six film week for you lucky scamps, though there’s no accounting for quality.
Hollywood shits on another great foreign-language director, a comedian gradually decreases the quality of his own obituary, and a great franchise trods the path most taken. Fortunately, documentary is once again here to save the day.
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BEN HUR
RT: 28%
We live in the era of the remake, and so it seems inevitable that one of the touchstones of cinema would make its way back to the screen. Having said that, it already did in Gladiator, so why revisit it again? The critics have answered in typical fashion – despite having some solid actors and an Oscar-winning screenwriter on board, this is yet another blockbuster with a sum no greater than its parts.
Charlton Heston’s formidable shoes are filled by Jack Huston, opposite fellow Londoner Toby Kebbell as his ruthless brother Severus. Hollywood’s whitewashing problem has been marginally improved on – this time the black character (Ilderim) is actually black (Morgan Freeman), and Jesus is Brazilian (Rodrigo Santoro)! Baby steps, everyone.
The sad thing is that while director Timur Bekmambetov’s Hollywood output, like Ben-Hur, has mostly been critically panned, his Russian blockbuster trilogy (featuring Night Watch and Day Watch) is inventive, super fun and frustratingly unfinished. Maybe the motherland has more to offer this director?
tl;dr The critics hated the CGI, but hey, at least less horses died this time.
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DAVID BRENT: LIFE ON THE ROAD
Ugh… must I? I mean, guys, really… why is this happening?
Don’t get me wrong, The Office was great – exquisitely painful on a level that only Peep Show has sustained – but trying to hamfist the long-dead David Brent into an amateur Spinal Tap seems a bridge too far. Foregone Conclusion worked best as a throw-away gag; less so the core of a film.
Ricky Gervais has arguably had far more attention than he actually deserved since The Office ended, and this comeback tour seems less like second helpings of dessert and more like another round of torture.
tl;dr There is and only ever will be one truly great rockumentary.
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THE CARER
Being that it’s about the physical deterioration of the aged, Brian Cox vehicle The Carer is a gift to critics looking to exercise their elderly analogies. Regardless, this is well-trod territory.
Retired Shakespearean actor Sir Michael Gifford (Cox) alienates every caretaker assigned him, until he meets Dorottya (Coco König), a Hungarian refugee with theatrical aspirations. No prizes for guessing where the story leads.
Every review points to Cox’s enthusiasm for the role, so fans of the celebrated actor will be well-served in this sentimental drama. The rest of you should go see the genius Harold & Maude.
tl;dr more films about the feelings of old white men pls.
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EVA HESSE
In the 1960s, sculptor Eva Hesse ushered in the postminimal art movement, incorporating hand-made aesthetics into the machine-generated works of the minimalists. She’s also remembered for being a refugee of the Holocaust and, sadly, for dying at age 34 from a brain tumour.
Marcie Begleiter, better known for her work as an art director, debuts in the director’s chair, drawing from Hesse’s surviving colleagues and correspondences (along with the voice of Selma Blair) to paint a portrait of the artist and her profound impact on the world of art.
Whether you know her work or not, the film is regarded as an “indispensable aid to understanding and appreciating a fine artist”; maybe now’s the time to discover her.
tl;dr You can never have too much art in your life.
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KINGSGLAIVE: FINAL FANTASY XV
RT: 8%
The fifteenth core story-arc installment of Square Enix‘s fantasy behemoth Final Fantasy has been in the making for ten years, and hits consoles in November. It’s been true development hell, and expectations are even more fraught than they were for Duke Nukem Forever.
What a shame, then, that our first taste of this new installment is the critically savaged Kingsglaive, which currently holds the lowest score (before consensus) I’ve ever seen on the site. Even TV’s finest (Breaking Bad‘s Aaron Paul, Game Of Thrones‘ Lena Headey and Sean Bean) can’t salvage the clichéd dreck of this “crucial” introduction to the game.
No one’s hair is dramatic enough and the overall vibe is missing that unique Japanese touch that makes Final Fantasy special. Fortunately for you – and in uncommon fashion for Square Enix – this is one cutscene you can skip.
tl;dr This is not the Final Fantasy you’re looking for…
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RED BILLABONG
This was the better of two teasers I could find, and jeez, these guys really need to find a new trailer editor. They are not selling themselves well.
READ our interview with Red Billabong star Tim Pocock here
Genre film has a great history in this part of the world (as we’ve explored), with Rogue and Razorback springing to mind, and Red Billabong is taking plenty of comfort in its heritage. How well it achieves the intended effect outside of B-movie trope-lashings is yet to be seen.
Red Billabong pits pretty white people against a vicious predator, one with ties to Aboriginal mythology. Unfortunately, there’s only one Aboriginal person in the film to fill the token role: missed opportunity number one. The trailer’s most interesting moments are those in which the CGI beastie goes unseen; hopefully they are reflective of the film as a whole.
tl;dr There’s plenty of monsters in the outback…
And now for THE VERDICT – maybe you only get to see one of these flicks on the big screen, and you don’t wanna waste that night out. So, drum roll please…
Against all odds, David Brent: Life On The Road may have some redeeming qualities; also true of Red Billabong and The Carer. But the only real guarantee here is that you check out Eva Hesse, or maybe get down to the art gallery and see another great female artist in her element.
Until next week!
