Hello and welcome to Hell, otherwise known as the annals of Wish, the website that may look like another bargain-peddling hub for discounts on the outside, but is host to nightmares that Satan himself would hesitate to claim.

Ahh, Wish.com. We’ve all seen the absolutely batshit ads that they shove into our faces while we’re on Facebook to write a Birthday message to that one girl who never spoke to you in primary school but wishes you a Happy Birthday every year, so you kinda feel obliged to return the favour. Yeah, you know the website I’m talking about.

Straight from the 118th circle of Hell, Wish finds their wares from beneath the sin and torment that builds up beneath the crusts of the Earth. It truly is a feat of unfathomable nature, but the items that hide in the corners of the site are truly ghastly.

Thank me later, but I’ve done the cursed task of digging through the hallowed halls of the site to find the most f*cked up things for sale. And yes, I’m fine. I’m shaking violently, but I’m fine.

Without further ado, here are the ten most bonkers items that my eyes had to witness, and so now you have to as well.

A Cat Muzzle for the Demonic Kittens you harbour within your abode

Cat Mask

Have you ever wanted to blind your cat? Shield his eyes from the horrors of this mortal coil. Well, you’re in luck. The demonic cat muzzle in on the penny pinchers menu.

Proof that God is dead Starter Kit

God is dead

These masks are said to have been handcrafted by Beelzebub himself. Damnation has never felt more real.

This sad vomiting meme frog thing

Save me

I pray every night for a way to erase this from my memory, but nobody answers.

Yves Saint Laurent Mid-Thigh Legging

What

Fashion dahling. You’ve heard about it, you’ve spoken of it, but have you ever really WITNESSED it until now?

Worms. 

Worms

Just worms.

The surefire way to not get laid

No condom no problem

This is the least sexy thing I’ve seen in my entire life but, hey, no condom no problem I guess?

Humanity was a Mistake Masquerade Mask

What on Earth

Whose masquerade party requires this disgusting helmet and why? Either way, catch me in the post-apocalyptic world wearing this helmet and dedicating myself to finding some sort of peace from my memories of Wish.

Dick Guns

Dick Gun

I believe it was Sun Tzu in The Art of War who once said, “Aim for the face”.

Shrine to the Goddess of Hell, Lilith

AIR FRESHENER!?

THIS IS AN AIR FRESHENER???

Dollar Tongue

Dollar Tongue

I mean at that price… bloody bargain.